The 99th Posting -- A Time of Gratitude and Reflection

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the US.  Among the many blessings that I will acknowledge today is the blessing of this Blog.  It is a blessing for me to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.  Reportedly, it has been a blessing for a number of people around the world who have benefited from my writing.  Since this posting is the 99th, the 1st written in July of 2011, I have wanted to let my readers know statistically at this milestone about RED in Transition.

Here are some statistics about its readership:

• As of today, there have been 11,914 views over the past 28 months. Compared to other blogs out there, that is small potatoes, but for me, that represents an incredible amount.
• It is read by people in the following countries: US (of course), Russia, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Malaysia, Germany, Poland, Latvia, Ukraine.  They represent the Top 10 in number of hits.  
• RED in Transition has also been read by people in Philippines, China, Uruguay, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Pakistan, Namibia, Italy, Denmark, Estonia, Norway, Brazil, India, Ireland, Switzerland, Hungary, Belarus, Sweden, Brunei, Columbia, South Korea, France, and Barbados.  WOW!
• The Top Ten most read postings are:  1) Irrational Thinking Patterns (by far the most read), 2) Refute-->Rethink-->Rewire: A Cognitive Choice, 3) A New Commandment I Give Unto You, 4) Elder Bednar Spring 2013 Conference Address -- Grace, 5) Good-bye, Stan, 6) Eddie's 24-Hour Diary, 7) Confessions of a Mormon Bishop, 8) Sorry--Your Family & Friends Can't Come to Your Mormon Wedding, 9) Trying to Let Go, and 10) For a Second Time.  You can access them by clicking on Popular Posts to the right -->.

Please know, dear readers, that I love to write in this blog.  I am grateful that you would think it worth your while to read.  I try to be real, putting out to the blogosphere what I am experiencing and what I am learning.  

Some of my most popular postings have been of an instructive nature.  I write about concepts that I have learned and which I  believe can benefit others, particularly those with whom I associate in my career as a psychologist.  I have wondered if I should have a blog strictly about my life experiences and transitions, and another blog comprised of topics of a psychological nature.  We'll see.

For those members of the LDS Church, I have been reading the Book of Mormon again in 2013 and have been keeping a journal in which I reflect on what I am reading.  My intention is to finish proofreading it in December and then put it on the blogosphere.  It will be known as RED Book of Mormon Journal, and I believe it will be worthwhile to read.

The future holds new experiences, new thoughts and feelings, new opportunities to try to make sense of life.  I am literally in transition, and it is exciting!

Blessings For Others and For Me

      Maybe it’s just my outlook on life.  Maybe I’m just getting more philosphical     in my advancing years. Maybe I just feel privileged to be alive.  But now that it has been nearly three weeks since the auto accident that could’ve taken my life, I feel the need to reflect on the blessings that I and others have received as a result of my misfortune.  This posting will be divided into two parts: the blessings others have received, and the blessings I have received. 

I want to thank so many folks who have sent warm wishes and thoughts to me in a variety of ways as well as those who have prayed   on my behalf and have placed my name on temple prayer rolls, something that LDS people do which accesses the faith and prayers of those attending the temple.   And most of all, I wish to thank God for preserving my life—again—and now for beginning the    process of healing my body.

OTHERS 

-    Given the opportunity to think about someone besides themselves

·    Given the opportunity to feel empathy or sympathy and thus be concerned about me, or the opportunity to be concerned that someone they know is concerned about me

·    Given the chance to offer service by sending cards, flowers, dinners, visiting me, or calling me

·    Given the chance to reflect on the fragility of life

·    Given the chance to appreciate what it’s like to not feel physical pain or soreness

·    Given the opportunity to realize how blessed/lucky not to have been involved in such an accident

·    Given the chance to verbally interact with friends, associates,  or family about me and my situation, and often with Ann

·    Given a reason, or yet another reason, to connect with God on my behalf, through prayer or fasting

MYSELF

·    Given the opportunity to learn to be dependent, to rely on others, to feel gratitude

·    Given the chance to realize how blessed I was to have good auto and health insurance

·    Given the opportunity to see how well our health system can work and how well trained doctors and nurses can be

·    Given the opportunity to see how well first responders do in such a triage situation 

·    Given the realization of how blessed I am to live in a country in which there are first responders that arrived quickly

·    Given to be able to access pain control medication

·    Given to know again that physical suffering allows me to appreciate the times when I don’t feel pain or soreness

·    Given to know how much suffering I saw in the hospital and how blessed that I only had some fractured ribs with some bumps and bruises

·    Given the realization that God preserved my life and has allowed me to continue living

·    Given to know again how God is involved in the details of my life and the lives of others

·    Given to know again the power of Priesthood prayer

·    Given to know again the power of my personal prayer

·    Given to know the blessing of having friends and family who are concerned about me

·    Given to know again the constant, unwavering love and caring of my siblings and their spouses

·    Given to know again the constant, unwavering love and caring of my children, and my grandchildren for “Mumpa” or “Pumpa”

·    Given to realize again how blessed I am to have such a wonderful, caring, protective, thoughtful wife

All of these blessings occurred to quite a few people because one person was distracted for a brief few seconds by a stinging wasp and ventured unknowingly and unwillingly into my car’s path.  I have no doubt but that God knew that was going to happen, since I have faith that He is all knowing.  He must have known that the person whose vehicle hit mine, his family, along with my family, friends, acquaintances and people who know of me but who do not know me personally--and I--needed some of the blessings listed above.  What a loving, gracious, merciful God He is!

·       

Appreciating the Common and Mundane

I've written about this before, but it light of what I am in the middle of experiencing because of my accident, I feel compelled to again write about feeling gratitude for simple things.  It seems necessary that we as mortals, and I in particular, need to be reminded at times of what I either have or don't have,

Some twenty years ago, I was taken to the ER of a local hospital in Utah unable to swallow anything but a small trickle of saliva.  I was placed in Intensive Care, diagnosed with Epiglottitis, an inflammation of the epiglottis, which is valvelike structure that covers the larynx to prevent water and food from entering.  I remember how terrifying it was to not be able to swallow, and I was administered heavy drugs to keep me from needing to swallow.  Some 48 hours later, I was released from IC and sent home, able to swallow again.  I remember that scary experience and will often make a swallowing motion to thank God for the blessing of simply being able to swallow.

In my adult life, I have twice had kidney stones.  For much of humanity, kidneys and other human organs perform their proper function without so much as a thought.  I'm not 100% sure exactly what a pancreas or gall bladder does, but for me they have simply gone about working to keep my healthy.  When those stones formed and began to descend down my urethra, scraping the interior walls and thus causing incredibly intense pain, the functioning of my kidneys came to be front and center.  About the one-half the size of my pinky fingernail, they caused such exquisite pain that I had to be injected with morphine.  I remember those scary experiences and will often thank God for the functioning of these organs, some of which I'm not even sure what they're doing.

My nephew Taylor is unable to turn his palms upward because of a birth defect. Looking at him as he eats, I notice how he has developed strategies which for him have become mindless as how to hold and position his utencils to facilitate the eating motion.  I have noticed how he performs other tasks with his palms downward that you and I would normally do with palms upward.  He has learned to play the piano because it is played with palms downward.  He learned to play the trombone and learned how to play lacrosse because they are activities that can be done with palms downward or pivoted 90 degrees.  I remember his birth defect and will occasionally rotate my palms upward and downward to thank God for something so common place.

So in October of 2013, I am recovering from a serious auto accident.  I am unable to take a deep breath, I cannot stand up or sit down or lie down without much pain and effort, it is very difficult to clean myself after using the restroom, I cannot reach down to the floor, I have had to sleep pretty much sitting up, and I am constantly in pain, albeit at a 4 or 5 level on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest.  I cannot twist my torso, I cannot walk very fast, I cannot work.  I live in fear of hiccuping, coughing, and stumbling.

But I can breathe.  Today I took a nap lying on my side even though I felt some discomfort.  I have been able to take sauntering walks with my wife.  I am able to eat what I normally eat.  I can now take a shower alone, and except for putting on socks and shoes, I can now clothe myself.  I can embrace my wife, although somewhat gingerly, and she can embrace me, although in spite of trying not to cause me any pain, she will occasionally squeeze me just a wee bit too much.  I can laugh a little, but I must watch myself to not get guffawing too heartily.

There will come a time in the future when I hopefully will have recovered from this painful physical trauma.  I want to clearly remember what I am unable to do now that I will be able to do then.  My desire will be to feel gratitude for being able to perform those common, mundane actions even when they have become common and mundane.

Another Tender Mercy

My father had a heart attack in 1953. My mother had cancer of the colon in 1959. My father developed diabetes along with emphysema in his 60s (from smoking, probably, and had a lung removed), and my mother had a heart attack in her 60s. Their illnesses are my legacy and are very much on my mind (and on the mind of my kids as well).

This morning I had my third colonoscopy.  Even though the doctor discovered some benign polyps three years ago during the second procedure, he gratefully found nothing today. I am taking meds for my Type 1 diabetes and cholesterol in an effort to lengthen my life, and feel greatly blessed that we have great insurance that allows me to take meds and have such procedures done.  I think of all of the people in the world—even some whom I know—that cannot afford such meds and procedures, and I feel great gratitude.

I am attempting to take care of my body and mind.  They are a stewardship given to me by a loving Father.  I am appreciative of the efforts of my wife to take care of her body and mind.  She is a great example for me in that regard. 

    

I do not always do it, but almost every day I thank God for allowing me to live another day, to experience life, to enjoy my senses, to help others, to feel the love of others.  Perhaps it is because of my age (I certainly have not always felt such feelings of gratitude) or because I see others around me struggle with illnesses and accidents, but I am richly blessed. I want to live as long as I can because there is so much more to life that I want to experience through my senses, to learn and understand, to feel.

Switzerland

I'm Physically Fine

Yesterday I had a physical.  Thank God, I am in pretty good shape for my age.  I am trying to embrace the "Wabi-Sabi" of my body.  In light of Jason's death, I feel very fortunate indeed.

I am intrigued by the genetics of our bodies.  Most every health issue I discussed with my physician seemed to be related to what I inherited from my parents or because of my gender.  In my case, my skin, digestive tract, cholesterol, and heart issues are all bad cards I have been dealt by life.  So I am saying the Serenity Prayer and letting them go.

My God is Great!

Just a quick post. Sometimes I look at my life, the lives of those around me, the lives of the billions all over the earth, and I realize once again how blessed I am. A number of my posts have been about gratitude and this is yet another one—but occasionally I am overwhelmed by my good life. I feel to thank my God for His goodness. He blesses me far beyond my capacity to fully acknowledge what I am given.  I want to echo what my good friend and brother, Jim Birrell, says, "my God is great!"

My Posterity Together

Rebecca is my firstborn.  Energetic, opinionated, fun, articulate, caring, musical and driven are some adjectives to describe her.  She was born before our one year anniversary so she has always been present.  She was with us when we moved to Japan and her red hair and outgoing personality opened doors there and back in the States. Her penchant for looking for attention and reciprocal caring from boys has always been a part of who she is and what she wants.  When Rebecca wants to do something, she does it, displaying tremendous courage and tenacity, especially in regard to her schooling.  Those traits also serve her well as she endeavors to be a great single mom. Through thick and thin, she and I have had a close father-daughter relationship, and I care about her deeply and know she cares for me.

Emily is my second born.  Caring, intelligent, empathetic, dutiful, driven, clever and demanding are some adjectives to describe her. Giving birth in the States was a big reason for leaving Japan.  Her siblings have always been important to her and she has always tried to maintain the peace.  Emily has been constant in her life choices. She fell deeply in love with her husband Adam and in their time together they have managed to survive against great odds.  She along with Adam have exercised great faith, especially as they have dealt with the challenges of raising their daughter Elizabeth and the triplets Charley, Eddie and Lucy.  I am very proud of her and how she has managed to maintain that faith in incredibly difficult circumstances.  I am appreciative of her constancy.  I feel her love.

Robert is my third born.  Intuitive, caring, smart, dutiful, energetic, musical and playful are some adjectives to describe him.  I called him BJ (Bob Jr.) when he was born and while he prefers to be called Robert, most of his siblings and his mother and I call him BJ.  He is an incredibly intelligent kid who has struggled to find his path.  He is making great progress now in figuring out his life and I am hopeful for his future.  BJ really cares deeply about people and I am confident that that trait will serve him well as he eventually begins a family and in a people-related career that he no doubt will embrace.  And while he has had issues with his siblings at various times, he does care for them deeply and understands the importance of family.  I am proud that he bears my name, and know he cares for me.

Doug is my last born.  Intelligent, clever, dutiful, determined, “punny,” opinionated and careful are some adjectives that describe him.  He was quite a clown as a young boy. He followed my musical footsteps in high school.  He would tell us as he was growing up that he was going to be the wealthiest of the kids and was going to take care of us, his parents.  I don’t know if that will happen because he has followed me into the psychological profession, but I am proud of him graduating from college and how seriously he is taking his parental responsibilities.  It is interesting how like many children he went through a phase of being aghast at my puns, and now takes pride at coming up with them himself, and looks to me to validate his clever wordplay.  I believe he is proud of me, and I am of him.

I am very blessed to have such great kids.  I will further be blessed with an increasingly rare opportunity to have all of them, plus Emily’s Adam, plus Rebecca’s son Isaac, Douglas’ son Daniel, and Emily and Adam’s wonderful Elizabeth and the triplets, all under my blessed roof this Saturday during this Christmas season.  All I can say is “Wooooo hoooooo!!!”