Pure Innocence, Pure Love, Pure Joy

I was blessed to have four children who have produced six grand children.  The grandchildren can be a challenge, to be sure, but they bring me such joy also.  Unless there has been significant abuse, children feel no shame and are not afraid to be who they naturally are.  I enjoy young children because they are real.  They don't want or need to put on a mask or facade to be something they aren't.  It is only as they grow older that they lose their innocence and their joy.  

This loss reminds me of something I read recently.   "A researcher asked a classroom of kindergarten students, 'who in here can draw?'  All hands went up enthusiastically.  'Who can dance?'  Demonstrations of five-year-old dance talent popped up all over the room.  'Who can sing?'  Enthusiastic choruses erupted.  The researcher went to a college classroom and asked the same questions.  One or two people timidly answered yes to each question.  What happened between kindergarten and college?"  We begin to feel shame.  

Because of their "realness," their joy, I feel joy in the presence of young children.  I felt such joy recently when I was introduced to a You Tube video of a little 20-month old girl named Ella Mae (and her "daddy"), and I would invite you to watch it below.  It takes just about six minutes.  There are parts of  it that I would suggest you focus on, based upon when they occur:

• :56    Listen to who she says is singing on the stereo system in the van
• 2:29  Watch her hit her head on her car seat in time with the music
• 4:18  "Get ready" Watch her swing her arm in time with the music
• 5:34  Listen to who she wants to hear played again  

Throughout, please notice the pure love and joy she expresses for her "daddy."  You will notice that when her wee attention span goes away, she defaults to her constant, her "daddy."    Please enjoy her facial expressions and furrowed forehead, not unlike an adult imitating Elvis.

Each time I watch this video, I try to feel her love for her "daddy" and her joy in simply being.  Each time, I try to remove the mask that I may be wearing and one again experience her innocence, her love, her joy.  "Except you become as a little child...."

 

Confessions of a Mormon Bishop

Some people who read my blog are members of the LDS Church.  Some are not. For those who don't know, I served as a lay minister, a Bishop, of a flock of some 200 young single adults in the LDS Church from March 2006 to May 2009.  It was a transformational experience for me.  Indeed, it pointed me into the profession I now have as a psychotherapist.

Bishop Bob Davis

I was given to read the blog post below because I have served as a Bishop.  It touched me profoundly because I can easily relate to this Bishop's experiences.  In fact, I have many of these thoughts now as I sit in front of people as a therapist.  

By sharing this article, it will give you a glimpse into this singular experience as well what I often think of as I sit in front of people in 2013.  It's the real deal. 

Confessions of a Mormon Bishop

by RUSS HILL on MARCH 19, 2013

I pulled into my driveway at 12:30 this morning.

I sat in the car in front of our dark house for a few minutes.  Everyone inside was asleep.  The whole neighborhood was still.  And yet my mind was racing.  So many questions.  So many emotions.  Sadness.  Hope.  Inadequacy.

Welcome to the life of a Mormon bishop.

Like pastors, priests, and clergy in other religions, those of us asked to serve as a bishop in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spend hours behind closed doors meeting with people who allow us into the darkest corners of their lives.

They come to us for various reasons.  Because of guilt.  Because they have lost hope.  Because they have been betrayed.  Because they don’t know where else to go.  Because they feel worthless.  Because the person they are isn’t the person they want to be.  Because they have questions.  Because they have doubts.  Because they believe in a forgiving God yet feel disconnected from Him.

They come and sit in front of me.  Some hesitate.  Take a deep breath.  And grasp for courage to say out loud what they have been hiding inside for days, weeks, or years.

Others almost run in.  They spill before I sit.  They’re anxious to clear their conscience or announce their doubts.

Each one is different.

For hours every week I sit.  And listen.

I did not ask for this opportunity.  I never considered I might someday have an office in a church.  I have no professional training for this position.  I am not a scriptural scholar.  I have not walked through vineyards with robe-wearing monks.  And, if you’re wondering about vows of celibacy let me introduce you to my four kids.

All I did was answer a phone call.  Show up for a meeting.  And nod when asked if I would serve.

I don’t sometimes wonder why me.  I always wonder why me.

And yet they come.  Share their stories.  And look to me for wisdom.

I’m not sure any of them have learned from me.  But, I have learned so much in the hours I’ve sat in that office listening to them.

I have learned that we believe it is a strength to conceal weakness.

I have learned that it is easy to want others to overlook our flaws as we expect perfection in them.

I have learned that it is hardest to show compassion and grant forgiveness to those closest to us.

I have learned that while curiosity is a strength it can also be a curse.

I have learned that we are creatures of habit.

I have learned that faith is a muscle.

I have learned that it is far easier to deny deity than to deny desire.

I have learned the mystery surrounding death forces a consideration of spiritual matters.

I have learned that observance of the Sabbath recalibrates perspective and improves judgment.

I have learned that most of us bear scars from the failure, disappointment, and fear in our lives.  And, we prefer to wear long sleeves.

I have learned that to deal with life’s pain most of us choose one of the following: alcohol, drugs, pornography, or spirituality.

I have learned alcohol and drugs are the easiest path.  As long as you’re willing to never stop drinking, smoking, or swallowing.

I have learned pornography is highly addictive and has nothing to do with sexual appetites and everything to do with escape.  And that the habit is never overcome in isolation.

I have learned that we feel like a failure when we make mistakes even when we profess a belief that the purpose of this existence is to make and learn from them.

I have learned that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can offer someone.  And ourselves.

I have learned that many know about Jesus Christ but more of us could make an effort to know Him.

I have learned that the strongest among us are those with the cleanest mirrors.

I have learned that the sins of parents profoundly affect children.  And are often repeated by them.

I have learned that affection from parents profoundly affects children.

I have learned that most communication between parents and children is what psychologists call “superficial.” Strong relationships are built on the “validating” variety.

I have learned that children desperately desire parents who listen.

I have learned that churches are not museums or catwalks for perfected saints but rather labs for sinners.

I have learned that “tolerate” and “love” are two very different verbs despite what popular culture professes.

I have learned that there’s more sadness in this world than I had realized.

I have learned there is more goodness in this world than I had realized.

I have learned that to be happy is a choice.

I have learned those preoccupied with serving others have less time to count their problems.

I have learned that a habit of one brief moment of spirituality a day can alter one’s entire direction.

I have learned that we want God to grant us space to make decisions but step in to stop others, nature, mortality, or illness from hurting us or those we love.

I have learned those who have made more mistakes have a great gift.  Empathy.  Now to the matter of searching out someone who hungers for it.

Indeed, I have learned I have much to learn.

The names of those I meet with will never be known.  Confidentiality demands I never disclose their stories.

But, late last night as I sat in my car on the driveway I decided I should compile a list of what the people I meet with are teaching me.

And, I wanted to share it.

WOW! What a Trip It Was!

Last summer, Ann and I went on a cruise (my first) to Alaska with some good friends.  This year for our vacation, we endeavored to coordinate our time with my brother’s vacation week at a Family Cabin at Bear Lake in Utah.  We had attempted in the past to travel there to spend relaxing moments with extended family, but to no avail.  We made the decision last year that we would try again this year, and we finally were able to do it!

When the decision had been made to spend some days there, I contemplated what else we could do (and see) on our way there—and perhaps what else we could do on the way back to Southern California.  I created an itinerary for a road trip that ultimately took us just under 2500 miles.  And what a spectacular road trip it was!!!

I will tell (and show in some pictures taken) where our journey took us, and some personal impressions.  It was just the two of us, and we both agreed afterwards that it was even better than our cruise last year.  (We’ve now taken two formal vacations in our transition as an empty nest couple.) 

We left on a Thursday morning and drove to a place called Kodachrome Basin State Park. 

It is just a few miles south of the east tip of Bryce Canyon National Park in Southern Utah near the tiny town of Cannonville, and we stayed in a nice little cabin right in the Park. 

The scenery was simply awe-inspiring, and we were right there in the middle of it!  

     This particular Park hardly gets visited at all but it should be.  The lack of crowds was so welcome, especially in light of the crowds we saw at other Parks.

 

 After putting our suitcases in the cabin and acknowledging what a hidden gem we had found, we drove 22 miles on a washboard dirt road to an arch that juts up dramatically from the flatness around it.  It’s called Grosvenor Arch.  

We later hiked within 5 minutes of our cabin, enjoying interesting rock formations in reds, orange and grays in the evening, setting sun.  

We lamented that we were not able to stay longer but vowed that we would certainly return some day and spend more time exploring this unknown place and stay in the same cabins!

We left there about 9 Friday morning, having hiked a mile and a half or so in Kodachrome (awesome!), to travel to a trail that accesses Bryce Canyon from its east side in the small town of Tropic.  We had been told about this quite unknown access by one of the Tropic locals the last time we went to Bryce.  

As before, we hiked from the bottom up—the floor of Bryce, unlike everybody else—literally (nobody parked by us near that secret east trail entrance), and it makes for an easier hike.  Everybody else that chooses to hike at Bryce starts at the top, descending, then has to huff and puff back to the top.

However, Bryce Canyon needs to be seen from the top, near Inspiration Point or Bryce Point if possible.  But it also needs to be seen from the trails such as the Navajo Trail that take you next to the incredible rock formations—called hoodoos.  

Other than its smaller, nearby sister Park, Cedar Breaks, just outside of Cedar City, Utah, there is nothing like it—except maybe at the “Cars” area of Disneyland California Adventure Park in California.  

The rock formations of Bryce are very different from Kodachrome, and the Park much more crowded, but people should not only go to Zion National Park, Arches National Park, and other well-known destinations, but should check out Bryce too.  And while they're at it, they should check out Escalante Petrified Forest State Park.

And if people go to Bryce or Kodachrome, they should travel Highway 12 east from there, designated as a national Scenic Byway.  

It is a singular road that affords awesome vistas, a section of road that can have steep canyons on either side, and a lovely ascent and descent of 10,000 foot Boulder Mountain.  It was fantastic the first time we drove it a few years ago and was still as awe-inspiring as it was then.  

We stopped on Highway 12 and spent three hours hiking at Calf Creek Canyon that dead ends to a magnificent, spectacular waterfall.  Incredible landscapes, magnificent fall, and unforgettable visual memories. 

We next traveled north toward Salt Lake City.  After spending a wonderful evening and morning with our long-time friends, Bill and Janice Harten, we headed north to Bear Lake, on the border of Utah and Idaho.  

I have been coming to Bear Lake since I was a little boy, but I had not been for a while—perhaps 10 years.  I have always gone to a place that an aunt and uncle owned that has two cabins and a large boat house.  This place simply holds many memories for me of family and fun. 

 It was so great to spend time with my brother Tom and sister-in-law Janeen, and five of their six children as well as some of their legion grand and great grandchildren.  Although chaotic at times, it was wonderful to be with family, whether it was on a boat on the lake, sitting around talking about children or talking about life, eating together, or just shooting the breeze.  

Ann and I also enjoyed taking a ride on my brother’s four-wheeler and getting caught in a thunderstorm while doing so, and going for a bike ride and stopping to buy and eat some just-picked Bear Lake raspberries.

We spent Sunday afternoon to Wednesday morning at Bear Lake, but it was time to wend our way to our next destination: Yosemite National Park.  That is quite a distance from Bear Lake and we had decided to make it in two days, and had picked our half-way point to be the small town of Ely, Nevada.  The road from Wendover, Nevada (the location of the famous Bonneville Salt Flats) to Ely was deserted—at least going our way.  We stayed at a little motel in Ely and ate some surprisingly good Mexican food nearby. 

Rested, we left to head west toward the east entrance of Yosemite.  Part of the road was hilly and we had a good time flying over them –- no air, just stomach tickles.  We finally saw the Sierra Nevada jutting up, and having eaten a fun lunch in the Eastern Yosemite town of Lee Vining, we drove on the Tioga Road into Yosemite. 

 The vistas of the mountains and domes were breathtaking.  They just kept appearing, one after the other.  The skies and lake were intense blue, and the gray and black and white of the rock formations was incredible.  This landscape was majestic, and different from the other kinds of rock formations that we had seen up to then. 

I commented to Ann that the rock formations we had seen of Kodachrome, Bryce Canyon, and Highway 12 and the Calf Creek Canyon, were each different and unique, and that what we were witnessing in Yosemite was yet other types of rock formations.  Each was breathtaking in its own right.  And speaking of rocks, I made sure to collect a few samples of rocks from each place to add to my rock collection that I collect on hikes to new locations.

We decided to stop and do some hiking while on the Tioga Pass road.  We picked a moderate, 2 ½ mile hike to May Lake.  Much of the trail was over rocks, and it was at a high altitude (9270 feet).   The lake at the end of the trail was beautiful, and luckily, not too many people were on the trail.  After we finished our hike we continued driving west, eventually leaving Yosemite and headed for our campsite at an RV park.  Even though the camp was dusty and the people and their kids were making noise long past the curfew hour, we managed to get enough sleep and headed east early in the morning toward Yosemite Valley.  We arrived early enough to beat the lines of cars that are known to clog the entrances at a later hour.  We whizzed right through at about 8:00.

Anyone who has been to the Valley knows how stunning and breathtaking the rock formations are, and they were indeed stunning and breathtaking for us. 

 When we first saw El Capitan, we were amazed at its majesty.  

 And as you drive eastward, you are flanked on either side by incredible rock walls and domes.  It was as if the trees along the road obscured the views of the majesty on either side. 

Sadly, it was the wrong time of year to see the Yosemite Fall, but we made it a point to see all of the falls that were running.

We found a parking place in Curry Village (very lucky!) and started our hike to Vernal Fall and Nevada Fall.  We continued to see spectacular rock formations, but we gained different perspectives as we left the Valley floor and hiked up a few thousand feet to the falls.

  We made a loop of a hike and avoided a lot of the crowds (and the stairs we had just climbed) while seeing incredible vistas.  

The hike to the Falls took it out of us and we spent the rest of the day visiting what there was to view on the valley floor in the Village.  The Village did not disappoint, nor did checking out the magnificent Ahwanee Hotel.  On our way back to the dusty campground, we stopped to see the third and final Fall, Bridalvail.

  Lucky for us, it was a short walk to the viewpoint, although the view was crowded with non-hikers.  (Am I being snoody? Yes!) This Fall was barely flowing, and it would rarely flow straight down because it was “wispy” and a breeze would blow the stream to the right and left of complete vertical.  

We were also afforded one last view of El Capitan before leaving the Valley.  Wow!

We left the noisy and dusty campsite the next morning and set our sights for the Coast.  Between us and there, however, were a lot of twisty and turny roads—and hot Fresno.  We were looking forward to some relief from the heat that we had experienced in Yosemite and its environs, and we finally got our wish as we approached our bed and breakfast in Los Osos.  The B&B rests on a bay, and lies some 4 miles south of Morro Bay.  

After we put away our suitcases in the room and rested for a while watching some Olympic competition, we decided to take a short ride to Morro Bay for some delicious fresh seafood.  We enjoyed the cool temperatures and the nice room that had a romantic fireplace—which we lit, ironically enough.

We woke up the next morning and attended a church service in Morro Bay as we had done the previous Sunday in Salt Lake City.  Returning to our B&B, we packed up and embarked on our journey home.  This journey involved seeing numerous glimpses of the Coast and soon began to feel the heat as we moved farther inland.  When we arrived home, it was really hot and we realized we had been spoiled by the previous evening and morning.  We also realized that we had driven a long way.

As I have reflected on this incredible journey, I realize that it was singular and extraordinary vacation.  It was fall of memorable views and memorable experiences with people we love and care for.  I have realized just how much I enjoyed spending time with Ann and how well we get along and are enjoying our empty nest.  I appreciate more than ever God’s creations and this beautiful earth and earthly experience that He has given me.  What a trip it was!

 I hope that if you have not taken the time to read this lengthy travelogue, you have at least been able to appreciate many of the views and landscapes and people from our pictures of our Big Vacation Loop through California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Nevada and back to California!