Grandbabies

Many who read this blog know that I have six grandchildren: Isaac lives in Washington, Daniel lives here in So Cal, Elizabeth and her three triplet siblings, Charlie, Eddie and Lucy live in New Jersey.  Many of you also know that my daughter Emily, the mother of the New Jersey clan, has her own blog: 3-ring.blogspot.com.  

Yesterday, Emily posted on her blog with pictures of her four kids celebrating Easter.  It inspired me to post some of their pictures on my blog.  Pictures of my other two grandchildren follow below.  Proud grandpa!

 Everyone that sees him or his picture and know me say that he looks like a young me.  What do you think? 

Aren't these two boys just too cute?  That's Eddie to the left of Charlie.  Yes, they're in the "terrible twos," but they are wonderful little boys who will be best friends.

 This is Lucy, the little red-haired girl of the triumverate.  She is full of pee and vinegar, just like her mother was, and has been blessed with a fertile mind, also like her mother (and grandmother.)

 This is big sister, Elizabeth.  She is a cutie and is quite the princess.  She helps mom and dad with the triplets.

Daniel is Doug's three-year old.  He comes to visit every other weekend, much to his frustration.  Once here, he enjoys Shumpa and G-ma. 

Here is seven-year old Isaac.  He will be entering the 3rd grade next fall and will be every bit as smart as his mother, Rebecca.

So these are my grandbabies.  I am a fortunate, proud grandfather of them all!  

Trying to Let Go

Yesterday, a friend of mine got a tattoo and sent a text to show it to me.  I am pleased that he sent it to me; I am quite confident that I was one of the first people to see it on him.  The tattoo, prominently placed on his left chest, is of the three intersecting circles, circles used by industry to connote that something is radioactive.  He had first gotten a temporary henna tattoo of the circles to determine what kind of reaction he might receive to such an adornment.  He talked to me and others about its implications, and at length decided to get a real one. 

Not a lot of my friends have tattoos.  Nor are many of my friends gay.  But he is now tattooed, he is gay, and he is also HIV-positive, and is a wonderful person.  I care for him.

Reflecting back on my earlier years, I believe that I have not always been so open-minded.  My sheltered and religious upbringing in Utah kept me somewhat insulated from “the world.”  I was really innocent when I was sent to Argentina as a missionary for nearly two years, and only slightly less so raising a family in conservative, homogenous Utah.  I remember that  I was attracted to my wife partly because she was a “California girl,” and I thought that California girls were exciting and different.   I think that moving to California in 1994 was, in part, a conscious move on my part to expand my horizons and to succeed in the “real world.”

Since being sent my friend’s picture, I’ve been pondering this ongoing transition in my life.  Being surrounded by a little bit of everything here in Southern California, and now being in a profession that demands open-mindedness, it is quite something to me that I have come so far.  I find that I can be comfortable in many environments with many different types of people.  What is changing within me?

I recognize that humanity can be open-minded without spirituality, much less a belief in God.  I am grateful for such open-minded people in many lands doing so many good deeds out of the goodness of their hearts and their desire to help others. They are, for the most part, an inspiration to me. 

But for me, I have adopted a paradigm, a belief system if you will, that springs from a spiritual understanding.  I consider that I am no better and no worse than anybody else on the planet.  More importantly, I truly believe that God is no respecter of persons; that He loves everyone equally. 

I believe that He sees me and all of humanity as His children, and as a perfect loving parent, He loves every one of those children, no matter their station in life.  As a parent myself, I care for my four children.  I have tried to love them as best I could, whether they’ve made good or bad choices.  He does that perfectly.

If He loves everyone the same, how can I be better or worse than anybody else?  Should I consider myself worse than my brother Tom whose six children are all active members of the Church?  Should I consider myself better than him because I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s Degree and he doesn’t?   Does God love me less than people with gifted intellects and talents, or less than LDS Church leaders?  Does God love me more than the refugee escaping from war and bloodshed, or more than the man asking for a handout on the off-ramp or on-ramp of the freeway?  Is it possible that God loves me more than my newly-tattooed friend who is gay and is HIV-positive?

NO!  And if He doesn’t consider me better or worse, and He respects all humanity equally, why shouldn’t I do the same? 

I believe that relationships are either horizontal or vertical.  I have come to the conclusion that by making one’s relationship vertical—where there is a better and a worse, a higher and a lower—we physically distance ourselves, or emotionally distance ourselves from one another.  I believe we do that because of anxiety or fear we have of the “other” person, either consciously or subconsciously.  We do not understand “them” and don’t want to.  We do not feel comfortable being vulnerable with “them.”  It is easier to be judgmental and keep our distance so that we don’t have to engage with “them.”  I would propose this to be one of the main reasons why there is war and bloodshed all over God’s earth, why there is prejudice and bigotry, why there has always been a lot of unneeded pain and suffering in the world. 

By working to make one’s relationships more horizontal through surrendering our preconceived notions and being vulnerable—no easy thing to do, to be sure—we can experience great understanding, great humility, great caring, great empathy.  It is becoming quite freeing for me to begin to lose the chains of judgment.  And while I believe that there are some really bad people on the earth, I must be prudent in my judgments of them.

Asking understanding of those who read this blog who do not come from my LDS spiritual orientation, I believe that Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer,  descended below all things in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the Cross at Calvary, so that He might have a more horizontal relationship with us, even though He is God.  I believe that because He took upon himself flesh and dwelt among us, He perfectly knows our pain, our sorrows, our fears, our anxieties.  And again, if He achieved and possesses perfect love and understanding, if He loves people equally, no matter how good or how terrible, rich or poor, black or white, gay or straight, why shouldn’t I attempt to do so as well if I’m trying to be like Him?

I am nowhere near where I ultimately want to end up in this regard.  My journey is full of missteps and judgments.  But, as my blog title indicates, I am in transition.  I am trying to let go.

Checking In

I seem to be somewhat inconsistent in writing in this blog.  I apologize to those who check in periodically for new postings only to find the same old entries.  It’s been awhile since my last one so I am taking a few minutes to catch up.

On April 22^nd my wife and I celebrated our 35^th wedding anniversary.  I enjoyed our celebrations, one of which was white water rafting on the Kings River in Central California.  We had done that before a few years ago and it was just as enjoyable.   That is a long time to be married, although my brother and sister have been married to their wonderful spouses for 57 and 53 years respectively.  In comparison to them, I’m a greenhorn!

I attended many of the BYU Men’s Volleyball games held in Southern California and cheered them to victory a number of times.  They won their league and made it to the Championship Game of the Final Four.  Sadly, their play was far too predictable against a Cal State Irvine team that they had beaten twice in the season and who obviously knew how BYU plays, and were beaten in a three-game sweep.  I really thought that they were going to win it all.  Oh well, there is always next year.

My daughter and her family need to move out of their rented home in New Jersey by June 30 so the owner can move in.  This sudden turn of events has placed Adam and Emily in crisis mode attempting to find a home that they could purchase that would not significantly add to Adam’s commute into the City, and would not cost significantly more per month than what they’re paying for their current rental home.  This is an optimal time to purchase a home with interest rates and prices being what they are.  It’s just not very convenient or optimal to have to make  decisions so quickly.  My thoughts and prayers are with them.

My brother Tom celebrated his 76^th birthday on May 6^th.  He is in reasonable good health and is mentally fit, working at his employment every weekday, unless he is coming to LA for the Rose Parade or going to Gilbert, Arizona to see his oldest daughter, Caren, and her family.  Again, at 58, I’m just a whippersnapper!  My desire is that he lives as long as he wants to, which by all indications is a long time.  He has been a constant in my life, as I have written in this blog, and I love him and his lovely wife, Janeen, of whom I have written in this blog as well.

I have finally finished my 3000 hours of therapy and must now fill out a form and send it to Sacramento to enable the regulating agency to schedule the test I need to take to become licensed.  That testing should occur before the end of this year and with heavenly help, I should be able to pass it and “hang the shingle.”  I have learned so much and continue to learn as I do this important and challenging work.  I am grateful to those peers who have helped me along the way and to the many folks who have sat across from me or surrounded me as I have led groups.

The earth wobbled a little bit recently when I decided to join the social media world and have a presence on Facebook.  Although many of the 190+ people who have “friended” me are young folks in their 20s or 30s from my time as a YSA bishop in the LDS Church, there are some connections with people that I haven’t had any communication with for years.  I have to say that one can get “sucked in” to the social media phenomena rather easily, and I am controlling how much time that I allot to it.  One of my motivations for having a Facebook presence was to let folks know there about my blog and about new postings such as this one.

I do have a challenge with both Facebook and this blog and my profession as a psychotherapist.   Obviously, whoever I deal with and whatever occurs in my sessions must be kept confidential.  Most therapists do not do Facebook and most do not blog, although I have seen exceptions to both.  I guess that it is a matter of what you want to reveal about yourself and what you choose to write about.  I need to be very careful.

So my life is full, I am quite contented (for better or worse), and I am very blessed.  I appreciate having this outlet to my feelings and thoughts, and having the few of you that do read this blog.