My Siblings - Comparison and Contrast

I am the youngest of the three children of Albert Earl Davis and Bess Davis. (Yes, my mother was a Davis before her marriage to my father)  My siblings are visiting Southern California to spend time with my wife Ann and with me and to attend the New Year’s Day Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena.   I thought that it would be interesting to do a blog entry in which I “compare and contrast” myself with my siblings.  I want the world to know about them and the wonderful people they are.

I will write mostly about my siblings only and not their spouses in this blog post.  I acknowledge that much of who my siblings are today is the result of their long term relationships with them.  But I want to focus on just my siblings.  (I have written about Tom’s wife, Janeen, in a March 2012 posting.)  For the record, Tom and Janeen have been married for 56 years.   Darlene has been married to Bill, my brother-in-law, for 52 years.  I love both of my in-laws, and appreciate their love for Tom and Darlene.  Interestingly, between the three sibling couples, there are 142 years of marriage—with no divorce in sight!

My brother, Thomas Charles Davis, was born on May 6, 1937, in Salt Lake City.  He is the first born and displays many characteristics of a first born child.  More about that later.  He was raised in Salt Lake City and a couple of other towns in World War II times (one was in San Francisco, on Haight Street one block from Ashbury) by newly married, young parents.  Our parents were raised by blue collar parents, descended from blue collar people, two being immigrants from Denmark and Wales.  As such, Tom, and for that matter, Darlene, were raised in an era of modest income and living.  For most of Tom’s formative years, my parents were not active in the LDS Church.

Tom made a decision to not serve a mission for the Church but to marry Janeen, his high school sweetheart.  In high school, he had begun to show “first born” leadership characteristics, and served as the president of the Boys/Men’s organization of West High.  He attended two quarters at the University of Utah but opted to pursue a business career.  It was during a time in which post-high school education was not necessary to earn a meaningful living, and Tom was blessed with a strong sense of who he was as well as his blossoming leadership abilities which served him well even at a tender age. 

For example, in his late 20s and early 30s, he was given great responsibilities in companies.  He and Janeen and three of their eventual six children were sent to Peru to be in charge of operations for a mining and drilling company when he was but 27 or 28 years old.  He also was responsible for sales in a multi-state region in the eastern United States soon thereafter.  Tom believed in and was respected for his abilities and confidently went about using his talents in the business world.  He provided a comfortable living for his family, a white collar lifestyle unknown to generations before.

His abilities only increased the older he became.  He and two others started a large modular home construction business and generated considerable wealth.  Because of his abilities, he was called to several leadership positions in the Church.  He was confident of who he was and was blessed with wisdom.  It was his kind and loving wisdom and direction, in fact, that directed me in some major decisions of my life—choosing to attend Brigham Young University rather than the University of Utah, and to marry Ann.

He has lived in the same split entry home for over 40 years and has successfully launched his six children: Caren, Ann, Leslie, Tom Jr., Steve and David.  He has served two LDS missions with Janeen in his retirement years and is always willing to serve in whatever lay positions he is assigned.  He lives a contented life.  He still loves his sweetheart (and she is a sweetheart!) after so many years.

Darlene Davis was born March 29, 1942, in the middle of World War II, in Salt Lake City.  Like my brother, she was raised by young, blue collar parents who had the energy to interact with her.  She had my brother to socialize with, and although there were five years between them, they lived in the same house and interacted.   Unlike my brother, she evolved to become in some ways the “anti-Tom.”  I believe that occurred because of who she was as a person and because of a poor relationship with our father.  It might also be that Tom was perceived as the achieving, obedient child and set the bar very high for her.  It could be said that in her formative years she displayed rebellious “second child” tendencies.  Not that she was a party girl or got involved with the wrong crowd, but life was not pleasant for her, especially with our father, and she got married to Bill right out of high school.  

She and Bill eked out a living in their early married years.  She chose to be a stay-at-home mother with their six children: Jeff, Natalie, Tamra, Mark, Jill and Mike.  They had to live modestly, but she became a great homemaker, always making her home comfortable and attractive, even when she didn’t have a lot of money to work with.  One of my early childhood memories was riding my bicycle to her tiny apartment (located next to the home in which my mother was raised) parking it in the back behind it, and seeing Darlene as I attended 7^th grade at Jackson Junior High School, spending a little time in that little attractive apartment.  She always treated her little brother in a loving, kind way. 

In my early dating years, we kept in touch.  Upon my graduation from high school, she threw a great party for me in the back yard of her modest home.   Her house always felt comfortable and I felt accepted there.  She seemed to take pride in her home and it seemed to have fervor as a homemaker.

She kept the home fires burning while Bill worked long hours.  He worked as a journeyman glazier for many years and then formed a partnership with his brother to create Mollerup Glass Company   He worked hard at building this business with Darlene’s support, and the business flourished.  Meanwhile, she attempted to be a good mother and to serve well in lay callings in the LDS Church.  Like Tom, she has a flair for creativity and art and has used that through the years to enhance her home and her Church callings. 

After a number of hard-working years, Bill sold his business for a good sum which has afforded him and Darlene to live a comfortable, white collar lifestyle.  They have stayed in their lovely home for many years as well.  It is wonderfully decorated inside and out.  She has continued serving in Church callings and loves being a grandmother and now a great grandmother.  Like Tom, she has aches and pains and challenges of advancing years, but like Tom, does not act her age.

My upbringing was very different from my sibling’s upbringings.  The parents of my youth acted old.  As best I can remember, there was very little of the interaction with me that my siblings speak of receiving from our parents.  I recall wanting to do fun things with them but that rarely occurred.  Since Tom had married when I wasn’t quite three (I was in his wedding reception line!) and Darlene had married when I was still five, I had no siblings to play or interact with, or to develop my social skills.  In this environment, I was left on my own and in my head.  A quiet and obedient boy, I didn’t talk much, and while I had a few neighborhood friends, much of my youthful years were spent alone.  

I believe that out of a lack of sibling and parental interaction, I had limited awareness of who I was and what my strengths were.  I always felt “less than,” and while I knew I had some abilities and talents, I always felt unsure of myself, perhaps from the lack of feedback.  But I was a pleaser and always tried to be the obedient boy.  I was always grateful for the interactions that I had with my much older brother and sister.

Education was not stressed at all growing up, other than getting some money for As and Bs.  I just knew that I needed to continue my education after high school.  At length, with the help of my “brother/father,” I enrolled at BYU, and continued there for some two years, until I did something that neither my brother nor any of my male progenitors had done: I served an LDS mission.  Upon my return from two years’ service, I continued my studies at university.  Sadly, not really knowing who I was or what I wanted in life, I never felt passion for a major, and opted to give myself options after graduation to utilize the Spanish language skill I had acquired by majoring in Spanish and minoring in Teaching English as a Second Language.  Again, this was done in a vacuum; no direction, no real passion, no real understanding of who I was.

Upon returning from living in Japan as an English Teacher (living in Japan was a daring move to be sure that afforded me experience in achieving and becoming), my mother encouraged me to become involved with my father doing what he had done for 34 years—selling rags.   Being obedient, and not really knowing what else I could do to support my family at the time, I became a rag man.  I still am a rag man.  I was somewhat enthused about the rag business for the first 10 years or so, but always was looking for something to excite me and to use the talents I was beginning to see in myself.  I think that I settled into a line of work that provided modestly for my growing family, but which did not really evoke passion.

I accepted callings in the Church along the way but it was not until well into middle age that I received responsibilities requiring leadership.   I always tried to be obedient, both to God and to my parents.

Financially, my married life for the most part has been one of having “sufficient for our needs” but not much more.  While I have been in white collar jobs for most of my adult life, our finances have barely been white collar.  It was only after Ann went back to school, got her Master’s Degree, and was hired as a Community College math professor, that we have had more than sufficient.  Because of our age disparity, both Tom and Darlene are retired and both have financially comfortable retirements.   Obviously, Ann and I aren’t quite there yet and continue in our late-blooming careers.  I must admit to having felt envy to some extent in my middle age at the comfort both of my siblings and their spouses had worked so hard to obtain.  But we are doing well now—it was just a matter of timing.

In 1994, Ann, I and the kids, left the cocoon of the Salt Lake Valley and moved to the Los Angeles area where we have lived to the present.  This represents another deviation from the Davis sibling norm in my journey.   It has been a challenge to live apart from them, both for my children and for us, to physically be away from those face-to-face family gatherings and connections.  

Ann obtained her Doctorate from UCLA and I received my Master’s Degree in Psychology in 2009, representing further educational deviations from my sibling norm (not Ann’s family’s norm).   Finally finding my passion in doing psychotherapy, I am doing something vocationally that is quite different from my siblings, although Tom has done much pastoral counseling in his leadership roles.  I am finally passionate about something, and it is something that is making a difference in the lives of people.

My sense is that I am quite different from my siblings in many ways.  On the other hand, I do believe that we have many similarities because of parallels in our upbringings.   And while the miles and our ages separate us, I feel very connected with them.  I love and care deeply for them, and I sense that those feelings are reciprocal.  I feel accepted by them and their spouses.  

I am really looking forward to spending time with the four of them—on my turf.  I feel blessed to have them here this weekend, and in my life.

Neil DIamond, Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Me

 

There is a store in Hollywood which some of my children have raved about in the past.  It's called Amoeba Music, and my son BJ/Robert in particular could never say enough good about their extensive collection of regular and hard-to-find LPs and CDs, both new and used.

I happened to be delivering a Christmas gift to an A&A customer in the area and decided to check it out.  It was incredible!  It's all true!  I walked out with five used CDs, one of which was a recording of an LP I had purchased while a missionary in Argentina: the soundtrack of the movie Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

The original music was created by the patron saint of the Davis home, Neil Diamond.  Aunt Silvia Diamond's nephew, a frequent guest in the home in which we now live, conceived of this theme-driven recording in an era (1973) when other pop music artists such as the Beatles, the Beach Boys, and the Moody Blues, were also making so-called "concept albums."

I anxiously opened it and stuck it in the CD player of my Prius.  I was quickly transported back to 1974.  It felt like one of those reunions with a long lost friend you haven't seen for ages.  And similarly, like a comfortable old friend, the music and the words of the songs came easily to memory, as if we had never been apart.  I easily recognized the flow and the nuances of each song, even after so many years.  I found myself singing along, attempting to imitate the man's voice whose picture hangs in the room on Plainview Avenue in Tujunga where he would sometimes sleep when he came to So Cal from Brooklyn to launch his singing career.

One of the main songs is titled "Be" (an appropriate song title for my life) in which Neil sings about "a painted sky where the clouds are hung for the poet's eye."  He also sings about a "glory looking day" and how you can "behold it if you may."  As I drove, listening to the songs and these words, the brilliant sun was playing hide-and-seek with beautiful banks of puffy white clouds.  I felt one with the entire experience.  I became caught up in the beauty right then of what I was hearing and observing.  I see and hear everything even now, pleasantly, in my mind's eye and ears.

It truly was one of the special moments that grace our lives far too rarely.  Feeling healthy and so greatly blessed, I couldn't and can't help but contentedly smile at my good fortune!

Ezekiel 11:19

Below is one of my favorite scriptures.  It means so much to me (and Ann).  To me, it speaks to my journey of surrendering and giving up false beliefs of my past.  I am putting my name where Ezekiel uses "you" and "them" in the hope that it is truly happening to me.

"And I will give you one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of your flesh, and will give you an heart of flesh."  -- Ezekiel 11:19

Today While the Blossom Still Clings to the Vine

The Triplets One Year Ago At Our Home

         Way back when I was a 19 year old serving a mission for the LDS Church, I really struggled with beating myself up.  Part of my problem was worrying about and being anxious about the future.  I would worry about what I wasn’t and how I couldn’t possibly be effective going forward.  It would affect my mood and it would affect my body. 

In fact, I don’t think that I was diagnosed on my  mission as having ulcers in my stomach from my anxiety, but I do know that I would experience terrible abdominal pains during my mission that would put me in bed for long periods of time.  My mom had ulcers because of her anxiety and I just thought in my young mind that I had inherited her malady.  I have come to understand that my family of origin, and my mother in particular, had a significant role in how I did or didn’t handle my anxiety in those early years.

Something happened towards the end of my mission that changed me.  In an interview with my Mission President, he challenged me to “stop worrying about myself and just do the work.”  As I thought about it after, and in the days that followed, I knew that he was right, and I began to remember a line that a girl friend had mentioned to me before my mission as she observed me being anxious.  She would cleverly say, “don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.”

Since those early years, I have attempted to not “trouble trouble.”  I believe that for the most part, I have been successful at doing that.  I will occasionally feel anxiety about something unpleasant that needs to be done, but I have learned not to worry about issues or events over which I have no control.

However, as I have raised four children, been married for quite awhile, and have had to make decisions along the way in employment and living quarters, I have had occasion to reflect on what I did well and what I didn’t do well.  My challenge through much of my adult life has been to beat myself up and feel depressed for poor choices.  As I have said numerous times in my work in addiction recovery, if I have an addiction, it is the addiction of beating myself up emotionally and feeling sad and depressed about my actions, or inactions as the case may be.

Reflecting again on my upbringing, my mom suffered from severe depression.  She had a nervous breakdown not long after she had colon cancer and was given a colostomy, which back in those days in the early 60s was a permanent and traumatic solution.  She took anti-depressants—such as they were back then—for the rest of her life.  I remember her as being sad, experiencing crying jags, and feeling sad and depressed often.

Some clients that I deal with will often inform me that the depression that they feel was likely passed on to them genetically from a parent/parents, and occasionally, from grandparents, and even aunts or uncles.  I’m not sure if depression is in fact passed on from generation to generation; I’m not sure what the latest research would inform me about that.  What I am pretty sure of is that descendents can have a disposition to have depressive thoughts, just like children/grandchildren of alcoholics and other addictions can have a tendency to surrender to those chemicals and behaviors.  But just because one has a disposition or tendency to be depressed, in most cases it doesn't necessarily mean that they must be depressed--or addicted.  One may have a physical issue or may be taking medication that makes them feel depressed, but often, skills can be learned to enable one to function and not feel the storm cloud in their life.

In my life, especially in the last few years, I have really been developing the skill of challenging my tendency to feel sad and depressed—emotionally beating myself up.  As I educate my clients about challenging and interrupting their automatic, negative thoughts, I have likewise been practicing the same action on my thoughts.  I acknowledge the automatic, negative thoughts that I experience but then ask myself either or both of these questions:

Where did this thought come from?  This involves mindfulness and introspection about my family of origin and my life experiences, and recognizing that I might be dealing with dysfunctions of my childhood or using a ego defense/survival thought to supposedly take care of myself.  

Where will this thought take me and do I want to go there? This again demands thoughtfulness about what actions could occur as a result of these thoughts.  I ask myself if those actions are congruent with who I am and what I want in life.  I ask myself if any harm could arise physically or emotionally within me or my loved ones if I act on the thought.

             Particularly in the past year, I believe I have been given to understand an important truth about being depressed about who I was or what I did/didn’t do in the past, and about being anxious about what might happen in the future.  This is the existential truth:  If I live in the depression of the past and the anxiety of the future, I miss out on the present.  So if I am powerless to change the past and am ultimately powerless over what will happen in the future, why not surrender the depression and the anxiety and live in the here and now?

             As I have attempted to live in the present, surrendering my past and my future, I have experienced great serenity.  I believe I am trying to do what AA teaches—“to let go and let God.”  I am learning better how to live and love.  I find that I notice, enjoy, and appreciate more the common day-to-day occurrences and tender mercies.   I have realized that this paradigm is incredibly liberating. 

             I certainly don’t live this way all of the time.  But I do manage to espouse this way of looking at life most of the time.  It is part of my transition to a better life.

The Excitement Before Thanksgiving

It's interesting, you know.  Once a year we celebrate Thanksgiving.  It's always on a Thursday, and the day after, Black Friday is usually a day off.  Not much goes on the Wednesday before, except perhaps people flying or driving somewhere to celebrate the Day.  So this holiday essentially provides a unique, five day respite.  Unusual.

I find myself having feelings today, this Wednesday before Thanksgiving, not unlike I would have the night before my missionary preparation days while serving as a missionary in Argentina for my Church.  I remember the excitement and exhilaration on Tuesday evenings prior to the one day in the week--Wednesday--in which we did not proselyte or other "spiritual" activities.

It is true that our expectations prior to days off/holidays/weekends are sometimes more enjoyable and fun than what occurs afterwards.  Thinking about what will/might/could happen certainly is exciting me at this Holiday time.  What will likely happen?

1. Having my supervision, and hearing about Ann's session she will have today.
2. Spending time with my son BJ (Robert) this evening.  He is doing SO well at his Rehab, becoming a truly remarkable young man--as he approaches three years clean and sober and serves as an intern there.
3. The arrival today of a niece and some nephews from Utah and Idaho.  Jill and Richard Lin's Phillip and Christopher, and Rick and Amy's Taylor and Lauren, will be sharing our turkey and fixins tomorrow.  It will be great to have family in our home, an unusual occurrence here in California.
4. Keeping with our tradition of seeing a movie while the turkey cooks on Thanksgiving, we are going to take all who want to go to see Lincoln, starring Daniel Day Lewis in the starring role (some critics are stating that the Academy just ought to give his the Best Actor award now because no other performance will match his).
5. Going hiking and seeing God's creations, in mid-70s to low-80s temperatures.
6. Attending Church and teaching my class of 14 and 15 year olds in Sunday School.

Those who read this blog know of my attempts to be mindful of the many blessings given to me.  In keeping with that theme, I feel to again express my gratitude for His love and grace towards me at this holiday season.  I am smiling....

I'm Physically Fine

Yesterday I had a physical.  Thank God, I am in pretty good shape for my age.  I am trying to embrace the "Wabi-Sabi" of my body.  In light of Jason's death, I feel very fortunate indeed.

I am intrigued by the genetics of our bodies.  Most every health issue I discussed with my physician seemed to be related to what I inherited from my parents or because of my gender.  In my case, my skin, digestive tract, cholesterol, and heart issues are all bad cards I have been dealt by life.  So I am saying the Serenity Prayer and letting them go.

The Ultimate Transition of My Friend Jason

         My friend Jason Akers passed away last Sunday.  His wife Christine asked me to speak at his memorial service. I tried to memorialize him in a respectful, heartfelt way.  It was very hard to talk because of my profound sense of loss, but I managed to get through it.  Since learning of his death, I've kind of been in a somber mood.  This loss has been an affirmation of my knowledge of how fragile my existence is and of the importance of living in the moment.  So here is my funeral talk.

Jason and I were friends.  I was very open about my life and he was open about his.  As such, we would sometimes discuss very personal matters.  Because I opened up to him and he to me, I came to have a sense of who he was and what was important to him.  I felt privileged that he trusted me enough to share his inner thoughts and feelings.  Whenever he would open up with me, I felt I was on sacred ground.  I came to really understand this man, my friend.

As he pondered his mortality and impending death, we would sometimes talk about his life on a macro scale.  In other words, we talked about what he felt he had accomplished and hadn’t accomplished, and what he had become and what he hadn’t become.  He lamented to me that he felt that there was so much he hadn’t accomplished and hadn’t become, and that he was trying not to be bitter about being deprived of the balance of a lifetime to accomplish and become.

I would like to share with you this solemn day what I saw that he had accomplished and what he had become.  And even though ultimately his life was cut even shorter than he expected, I would propose that he leaves a legacy of accomplishment and becoming.  Accomplishing in life does not necessarily equate to becoming.  A person can be very accomplished in their work or career, or even in responsibilities in their church congregations, without becoming a good individual with good values and character.  Jason would say that he didn’t accomplish much. I choose to focus on what he became, and I only wish (and I’m sure he would agree) that he had been given more time to become even more.

The first becoming I would like to share is how he became a good and caring man.  It would be a great understatement to say that His upbringing was challenging.  He would sometimes share with me how his family of origin was full of dysfunction and abuse and it would have been easy for him, and understandable for him, frankly, to live in that dysfunctional world for the rest of his life.  Instead, he made the choice to escape it and to try to have a meaningful life.  He used his upbringing as a bad example, as something not to allow himself or his family to become.  Sometimes, that can be a huge motivation for us and it certainly appeared to be a great incentive for good in him.  He became a caring man.  I marvel at how he was able to become so caring.   I knew he was a caring man because he cared for me, and I will always hold that caring in my heart.

The second becoming I am witness to is how he overcame challenges and adversity.  He was blessed with a dogged determination, or even, a stubbornness of spirit.  Perhaps his family would occasionally see a stubborn father or husband, but that same tenacity was useful in stoically sticking with changes he wanted to make in himself.  Once Jason put his mind to do something, it was eventually going to happen if it were in his control.  He obviously had many challenges and adversity, especially near the end of his life.  But for me, his determination was something to behold.  I have learned more about determination from his example than I have learned from just about any other person.

The third becoming would be how important his family came to be for him.  Having had such a challenging childhood, with an absence of family role models other than a kindly grandmother, he could have believed that life’s cards were stacked against him and given up.  But being the fighter that he was, he determined to give his children what he had not received.  Did he always do the right thing in his child rearing?  Nobody always makes the right decisions in the excruciatingly difficult job of raising children, except for God.  But he tried the best that he could.  His intention was be the best father possible.  He would tell me how deeply he cared for Aaron and Linnet and Mallory.  Christine was his childhood sweetheart and the key to a more normal family life than what he had experienced.  She was and is very important to him. And now that he is in heaven, I must think that he deeply misses them all.

The fourth becoming I would like to touch on was his great, insatiable thirst for knowledge.  He always seemed to be reading something.  He never seemed to get enough.  He loved to learn and anybody who talked with Jason for any length of time would soon understand that he was well-read.  He could wax eloquent on any number of subjects and not superficially.  He was always open to new ideas, new concepts, new ways of looking at things.  Even in the last difficult time of his life, he seemed hungry to know about what was happening to him.  It is a humble person who realizes that he or she does not know it all and wants to become better informed, and Jason personified that humility.  I have to believe that part of Christine’s attraction to Jason was that desire to learn more and use that knowledge to benefit himself, his family, and others.

Living each day to the fullest would be the next becoming I perceived.  This was something that became important to Jason in the last few years of his life.  He came to appreciate being alive and being completely aware of those around him.  He grieved over not having been more awake and cognizant of each day.  Especially at the very end, when he knew that his time here on earth was drawing to a close, he sincerely wanted to enjoy each day and to experience life as fully as his failing body would allow.  His pain would sometimes get the best of him, but that determination and positivity would kick in.  No wonder that he went to Disneyland last Friday.  That alone speaks volumes.

Lastly, the becoming that might be the most important was his embrace of the Gospel plan.  Even though he was quick to downplay his knowledge of Gospel doctrine and scriptures, he knew that what he had been taught was true and eternally important.  He believed in the power of prayer.  He knew that Heavenly Father lived, that Jesus was His Son, and that the Savior had performed the Atonement, and Jason was determined to live Gospel principles the best way he could.  He took pride in belonging to the Church, and dearly wanted his children to be blessed by its teachings.

So you and I are left with this great legacy of this good man.  Funerals are not for those who’ve passed on but for those who remain.  What shall do we with his life?  Or perhaps more importantly, what shall we become because of Jason Akers?  Shall we not be more good and caring?  Shall we not overcome adversity and challenge with dogged determination as he did?  Shall we not hold our families close to us and put them as the highest priority in our lives?  Shall we not hunger and thirst after knowledge?  Shall we not live each day as if it were our last—because it might be?  Jason’s untimely death reminds us of that fact.  And finally, shall we not seek truth and determine what God’s plan is for us?

Let us hold close and sacred his memory and allow those memories to influence us to be better people—better parents, better children, better citizens, better disciples of God.  What will be said by others at our funerals of our becoming when we pass through the veil and embrace Jason? 

   

Election Day 2012

           Today is the long awaited day—at least by people who have paid attention to Elections 2012.  I count myself as one of those people.  I have blogged a little about it, specifically about the notion of having a Mormon President of the United States.  I have read and listened much. This morning I voted, and must admit that, feeling a little philosophical as to the implications of what I was doing, I felt tears welling up.  I was a little surprised to feel that emotion, but then, I am all about feeling my emotions these days.

            Living in California, I am keenly aware of being LDS, and how I am regarded differently.  I know I am different.  I am keenly aware that my religious forefathers were persecuted, imprisoned, and even murdered for their beliefs, being ignored by the government that should have protected them.  The sweet irony is that there is a distinct possibility that a Mormon—one of my people-- might be elected to lead that government and to become the most powerful person in my country and indeed in the world.

            Whether or not the reader votes or doesn’t vote for Mitt Romney, I would propose that this man is the embodiment of a “good” man.  I would propose that this good man has been married to the same woman for over 40 years, and while longevity in marriage is not necessarily an indicator of marital bliss, having listened to him talk about her and her talk about him, there can be little doubt that their relationship remains sweet.  When I watch them talk to one another, I see the sparkle in their eyes that belies their profound feelings for each other.

            This good man has raised five sons to be responsible, civic, and religious citizens, no small accomplishment in the 21^st Century.  He has spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours serving those around him as an ecclesiastical leader.  As a former leader myself, I am very aware of the caring and love involved as you counsel with folks who struggle physically, emotionally, and spiritually, for no pay.  Because he has been blessed with wealth which came to him as a result of using God-given talents, he has donated truly significant amounts of money to the Church and toward its humanitarian purposes.

            He loves and very much respects his parents.  He appreciates their challenges and the challenges of grandparents and beyond.  Even though Mitt was born into wealth, he, like so many, was raised by parents who knew the value of money and hard work.  He has attempted to instill these important values in his children, knowing of the importance of such values.

There is no doubt in my mind that he loves this country and cares deeply about its future.  Like me, he believes that the United States is an exceptional country, founded by men who were inspired and raised up for that very purpose.  It perhaps would have been easy for him to sit back and enjoy his wealth and let others steer the ship, but he cares so deeply about my country that he has put himself in the fray—to battle for the freedom, liberty and other values that made this country great.

So today I voted for this good man.  I realize I have a deep connection with him.  He is everything good my religious belief system embodies.  On an even more intimate level, he is me, and on some level, I am him.  …So my tears are welling up again….