Election Day 2012

           Today is the long awaited day—at least by people who have paid attention to Elections 2012.  I count myself as one of those people.  I have blogged a little about it, specifically about the notion of having a Mormon President of the United States.  I have read and listened much. This morning I voted, and must admit that, feeling a little philosophical as to the implications of what I was doing, I felt tears welling up.  I was a little surprised to feel that emotion, but then, I am all about feeling my emotions these days.

            Living in California, I am keenly aware of being LDS, and how I am regarded differently.  I know I am different.  I am keenly aware that my religious forefathers were persecuted, imprisoned, and even murdered for their beliefs, being ignored by the government that should have protected them.  The sweet irony is that there is a distinct possibility that a Mormon—one of my people-- might be elected to lead that government and to become the most powerful person in my country and indeed in the world.

            Whether or not the reader votes or doesn’t vote for Mitt Romney, I would propose that this man is the embodiment of a “good” man.  I would propose that this good man has been married to the same woman for over 40 years, and while longevity in marriage is not necessarily an indicator of marital bliss, having listened to him talk about her and her talk about him, there can be little doubt that their relationship remains sweet.  When I watch them talk to one another, I see the sparkle in their eyes that belies their profound feelings for each other.

            This good man has raised five sons to be responsible, civic, and religious citizens, no small accomplishment in the 21^st Century.  He has spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours serving those around him as an ecclesiastical leader.  As a former leader myself, I am very aware of the caring and love involved as you counsel with folks who struggle physically, emotionally, and spiritually, for no pay.  Because he has been blessed with wealth which came to him as a result of using God-given talents, he has donated truly significant amounts of money to the Church and toward its humanitarian purposes.

            He loves and very much respects his parents.  He appreciates their challenges and the challenges of grandparents and beyond.  Even though Mitt was born into wealth, he, like so many, was raised by parents who knew the value of money and hard work.  He has attempted to instill these important values in his children, knowing of the importance of such values.

There is no doubt in my mind that he loves this country and cares deeply about its future.  Like me, he believes that the United States is an exceptional country, founded by men who were inspired and raised up for that very purpose.  It perhaps would have been easy for him to sit back and enjoy his wealth and let others steer the ship, but he cares so deeply about my country that he has put himself in the fray—to battle for the freedom, liberty and other values that made this country great.

So today I voted for this good man.  I realize I have a deep connection with him.  He is everything good my religious belief system embodies.  On an even more intimate level, he is me, and on some level, I am him.  …So my tears are welling up again….  

Been Awhile...Checking In

                It’s been awhile since I posted on this blog.  I must admit to allowing distractions in my life, but I am committing to be more diligent.  Writing my thoughts and feelings is very therapeutic for me and helps me to focus them—as opposed to having them come and go.

                Let me be systematic in writing them, as opposed to some kind of a stream of consciousness riff.  I am kind of a systematic guy, always looking for the system (what is in the background causing the behavior).  I will try to be precise, but at the same time, eloquent.

                Politics—I keep an eye and ear on what is going on with the presidential election as well as what is (or isn’t) going on in Washington.  Politics is a nasty game, not for the faint of heart, but I am afraid that there are very few truly principled men and women that work there.  But the way our government is set up, we should try to elect such principled people at the ballot box and then hold their feet to the fire, so to speak. 

                If you’ve read some of my recent posts, I have been following the Romney campaign closely and observing how his presence on the national scene has affected my Church and its perceptions in the media and by people in the country.  I have been intrigued by his “no-win” scenario when it comes to his religion; how he can’t talk about his religion in any way because 1) he doesn’t want to alienate those Evangelicals on his right, 2) he doesn’t want to be seen as a mouthpiece for leaders of my Church who have constantly reminded the members about political neutrality, and 3) he doesn’t want to bring about the possibility that any of the Church’s past beliefs such as polygamy and blacks and the Priesthood will distract him from his message.

                Sadly, as many articles have shown, being frozen in this manner does not allow him to bring up his “humanity” as shown by his service as a lay ecclesiastical leader and as a missionary in France.  He may campaign in a somewhat stiff manner, but I know enough about his past from study to know that there isn’t much stiffness.  It would be more accurate to say that he is focused on accomplishment, being a good missionary, a good bishop, a good leader at Bain Capital, a good husband, a good father.  I have no doubt that this single-mindedness and drive will make him a caring but competent leader of the Country.  I also have no doubt that the only way he will be elected President is if it is God’s will.

                Same-Sex Attraction—You should know by now that this is a subject of great interest to me.  You also should know that while I have some strong beliefs about various aspects of this subject, I am in a transitional place as to my ultimate feelings about it.  It is my desire to be congruent and consistent in those ideas that I finally choose to espouse. 

                I have been interested by a blog called The Weed, written by a member of the Church named Josh Weed and his wife.  It seems, if he is to be believed, that he has had and still has SSA but has been in a heterosexual marriage for 10 years and has kept his “orientation” in the closet until he felt like he, she, and it (the marriage) were strong enough to weather the controversy that would occur as a result of his “coming out.”  His wife knew about this issue long before they decided to get married, and in fact, they were very best friends from childhood, and he finally realized that she could be more than that and that he wanted to be obedient to the teachings of the Church regarding marriage.  Nothing wrong with marrying one of your best friends; I did.

                I likewise have been intrigued by an article that was posted on a website I frequent.  It relates a similar story to that of Josh Weed.  This male member of the Church is a therapist like me, but wrote that he likewise had SSA early on   He decided to get married to a woman and writes that he is very happy and in full fellowship in the Church.  He likewise realized that he did not want to be celibate for the rest of his life and wanted to place himself in a position to receive what he says are all of the blessings available to those who marry in the Covenant.  He discusses three issues brought up by the You Tube video made by gay and lesbian students at BYU called It Gets Better in the context of Gospel beliefs.

                The blog and the article have caused me to reflect on my attitudes.  As I’ve stated, I am in the process of trying to figure out where I am on this issue.  One thing that I am sure of, however, is of the importance of loving all of the Father’s children, no matter who they are.

ARP—Other than speaking at a meeting in August with some Stake Presidents of the San Fernando Valley, Santa Clarita Valley, Antelope Valley, and points northeast of Los Angeles regarding ARP, I have been released from my regional calling as Program Coordinator.  I may be asked to help start a Spanish–speaking ARP in Orange County or to help out with a Spanish-speaking ARP elsewhere, but those opportunities will be rare.  Having been released last December from attending twice a week ARP groups here locally, for the first time since 2006 I am without what could be termed a “major” calling or responsibility.  I still function weekly as a Sunday School teacher to the 4-6 young men and women aged 14-15 in my congregation, and I enjoy doing that.  It is “major” on one level, and I am enjoying being “under the radar.” 

                Ann and I have grown considerably in this calling, and we both consider it divine intervention that we were given this opportunity to serve.  It has helped me in my career as a therapist who specializes in sexual addiction, giving me a pretty firm grasp of the Twelve Steps and their importance in recovery work.  It gave me a chance to see people struggle against addictive behaviors and has caused me to look inside of myself and my own issues.  I am convinced that God gave me yet another opportunity to be a trail blazer in another endeavor; someone who is planting seeds and establishing protocols and formulating procedures that will be followed and improved upon by those who will follow after me as the endeavor matures.  It was this way on my mission, when I served as a branch president on my mission and in the Spanish Branch in Newhall, and when I served as bishop of the Singles Ward in Glendale.

MY HEALTH—I celebrated my 58^th birthday on June 4.  Physically, I am doing pretty well.  I stopped running about the time I became a bishop and have only run a handful of times since then.  I do go on fast walks with Ann (and sometimes alone—when I will sometimes run) a couple of times a week, we are trying to hike more often, and I try to keep active.  But the reality is that I don’t seem to have quite the lung capacity that I have had in the past.  My blood pressure has gone from being low (a source of pride for most of my adult life) at around 100-110/72-75 to a more normal 120-124/80.  It’s still good but I would like to see it lower.  I am in the first stages of diabetes but I am controlling it with pills and diet.  My weight has been in a 5 lb. range for tens of years.  I had my eyesight checked and it is doing fine.  I go to the chiropractor for adjustments for my neck and back.  There is some arthritis present in my hip area and it usually manifests itself in the wee hours of the morning causing me to wake up and turn over a number of times.  All in all, I’d give myself a B+.  I’d give myself an A- if I could lose about 10 lbs.

                Emotionally, I feel that I am in a good health.  I feel pretty positive and good these days.  I do a good job of not beating myself up when I do something dim-witted.  I am in touch with Bobby, my inner child.  I feel good about the work I do daily on the relationship with Ann, and I feel like my relationships with my kids and grandkids is as healthy as they have ever been.  I feel pleased about my employment situation.   I would say that I am in a good place, and I’d give myself an A.

                Spiritually, I need to spend more time and effort feeding my spirit.  My hectic life is not so hectic these days such that I do have the time to give it nourishment.  It’s a matter of organizing my time in the morning and making spiritual matters a priority.  I need to work on not rationalizing, a life-long challenge I’ve had.  My basic testimony is strong, and while I don’t understand some things and get frustrated at times with the bureaucracy of the Church and how some members focus on doing rather than being, I realize that people are the Church and that the organization of the Church is to give me the opportunity to be a true disciple and to love as Christ loved and loves.  The Church is the means to the end but not the end.  Luckily for me, Ann feels pretty much the same way such that we focus on what is eternal and important, and let the other stuff fall away.  I would give myself a B, and know that I am capable of full-on A because I’ve been an A for much of my life.

Brushing Me with Broad Strokes

Coming to an LDS Temple/Building Near You?

When the State of California was embroiled in the voter battle over passage of Proposition 8 that sought to formally define marriage as between a man and a woman, I found myself being called on/expected as an ecclesiastical leader of a young single adult congregation in the LDS Church to get congregants engaged in getting out the vote and to work on getting a majority of Californians to vote in favor of the Proposition.  It occasioned me to look at it from both theological and humanitarian positions.  After considering who was asking me to do this, and considering consequences, I made the decision to support its passage and I got my young congregants involved.

I was attending school at the time, getting my Master’s Degree in Psychology, and my support was emblazoned on a bumper sticker on my wife’s car. It caused a brouhaha among my classmates who did not know whose car it was.  Many of my classmates were wondering how anybody could possibly support Proposition 8, especially in light of the “open mindedness” that we were learning was essential to become a good therapist.  I listened with interest as different classmates joined in the disparaging conversation, careful not to say that the car with “that” bumper sticker belonged to me.

Really? 

Still embroiled in the push-pull that was Prop 8, the withering onslaught of negativity and reproachful commentary continued online at a discussion website set up to allow students to communicate with one another (this was before Facebook became the medium to facilitate such communication).  I read with increasing indignity as the commentaries poured in one evening.  I got to a point where I could no longer just read the vitriol. 

It seemed to be the height of hypocrisy to read comments from my peers accusing people who supported Prop 8 as being unloving, uncaring, bigoted, etc..  They were usually the least judgmental people I knew and were being trained to be non-judgmental and open minded as psychotherapists.  And while I couldn’t comment specifically as to the character of each of my fellow supporters (I found nearly all to be loving and caring people), I knew who I was.  I knew that I was open minded, that I was caring and loving and non-judgmental (and was going into a profession where those character traits would serve me well), and felt that I was being wrongfully accused.

The Bumper Sticker

I decided to write a post declaring that it was my car that had the bumper sticker on it and that those that knew me well KNEW that I was non-judgmental, caring and loving.  Furthermore, without calling them out for saying/writing what they had, I merely told them that their words had hurt and that not everyone who supported Prop 8 was how they were portraying them.  In my response, I told them that I see people as people—and because of my religious paradigm, as God’s children and equal to me, not choosing to focus on their sexual orientation, gender, race or ethnicity, and that what I had been taught at our school further reinforced that construct for me.

For the record, not longer after I posted my response, I received a thoughtful response honoring me for my beliefs from my faculty advisor and sometime professor, David, who is gay, whom I had come to appreciate and highly regard and who had been very helpful to me in dealing with my struggles as a 50-something student.  I also received a very thoughtful response from my department chair, Deborah, a lesbian, whose partner ironically was raised as a Latter-day Saint.  In a caring way, she likewise honored my beliefs and informed me that because of what I had experienced at the hands of my peers, I could have greater empathy and compassion for those in her LBGT community who had and continue to experience the labels and broad strokes that I had experienced.  That empathy and compassion has helped me as I have taken the opportunity to have therapeutic relationships with that community and with a beloved transgender individual in particular.

An Active Mormon as President?

Fast forwarding to March 2012, I find myself in a somewhat similar circumstance with my conservative views.  In the current sociopolitical landscape, they and my religion are under attack from those who view themselves as being caring, open minded, and unbigoted.  If Mitt Romney becomes the Republican nominee for President of the United States (and it is becoming nearly impossible for that not to happen), I fear that in the coming months my religion and my religious views will be made light of, ridiculed, and besmirched.  If Romney were a Jew or a Muslim, the media would condemn the perpetrator.  But since he is LDS, and since my Church chooses to ignore and not respond to such attacks, those attacks will be fair game.  I would not be surprised to see “anti-Mormon” demonstrations similar to those that took place outside of the LDS Temple grounds in Los Angeles during the Prop 8 debate.

Night View of Los Angeles LDS Temple

Because of these fears and because I have already heard comments made by thoughtless people, I am publicly taking a stand.  Some people are finding or will find teachings, doctrines, and quotes from past and present leaders of the Church, or other material, that they believe entitles them to mock my beliefs, or Romney’s beliefs.  Some will portray him (and by association, me) as being a member of a cult, a member of an organization that represses women in a variety of ways, and a denomination so bigoted that they did not allow black members to hold God’s priesthood until forced to in 1978. 

 Tons of Donated Clothing for a Needy World

Does a cult allow its believers to freely interact with others in society, serve in the military, celebrate all national and religious holidays, and allow its believers to have differing political viewpoints?  Does a cult allow its believers to donate hundreds of thousands of work hours, hundreds of tons of used clothing, and millions of dollars each year to humanitarian projects that are intended for non-believers?  Does a cult allow non-believers to access their genealogical records so that they can do genealogical research to find their ancestors?  Does a cult build and run schools and universities that allow non-believers to attend?  If one is open minded at all and would look past the doctrines and beliefs and focus on the fruits of my religion, that person would have to admit that my Church is not a cult.  Cults don’t bear such fruit.

Relief Society Donating Food in DR Congo

Because members of my Church funded much of the battle to pass Prop 8 and fought against the passage of the ERA Amendment in the 70s, it will be portrayed as quaint, or even worse, as disenfranchising women and treating them as second class citizens within the Church.  What will likely not be portrayed is how the Church sponsors the largest organization for women in the world: the Relief Society, with a membership of over 4 million women in over 100 countries, which I know from personal experience and knowledge seeks to empower and teach women to be all that they can be and which gives them a voice.  There will be few if any words of praise about how women are honored and given respect over the pulpits of the Church, both on local and general Church levels.  You will not likely hear how in the most sacred and important of all rituals and ordinances of the Church performed in that LDS Temple in Los Angeles and in nearly 140 others around the world, women participate equally with men. 

Darius Gray with Merrill Bateman

In the finger pointing that will surely take place about how bigoted my Church is, you will likely not hear the historical context of how the Gentiles were forbidden from hearing Christ’s teachings while He was on the earth, and that it was only after Christ had been crucified and Peter had received a revelation from God that he decided that the Gentiles could finally be taught the Word.  Nor will you likely hear about how the Levite tribe was the ONLY tribe of the Tribes of Israel that could officiate in the rituals of the Priesthood in the Old Testament which along with the New Testament is in our Canon.  Those who ridicule will likely not tell you that certain black members were given the Priesthood in the early days of the Church, nor will they relate statistics of how the Church is growing faster on the African continent than on any other, and that most Blacks who have joined the Church and participate fully in the Priesthood have come to understand that it was God’s will and not formal Church doctrine that denied their race that blessing for a time.  

Black LDS Family

As it has in the past, the Church has maintained its political neutrality and continues to do so, evidenced by a memo from the top leadership of the Church affirming that fact that was recently read over the pulpits of all church congregations in the United States.  How else can you explain the Church “umbrella” under which Republican Mitt Romney and Democrat Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid share its protection?  Members of my Church may lean right in their personal politics and point their judging, labeling fingers at those who do not believe as they do–and I deplore them for doing so exclusively in our auxiliary meetings--but the policy of the Church is of neutrality.

To conclude, if those who may denigrate my beliefs, the doctrines I espouse, and my Church, I would ask you to get to know some members of my faith, to look at the fruits of this religion and belief system, to honor and respect its members who do not share all of the beliefs of the greater Christian world regarding Jesus Christ and the Godhead, to look past the sound bites and really learn about us. 

LDS Members Donating Disaster Clean Up Service 

If I choose to label an individual or group, I take an “I-am-better-than-you” view of them; there is negative pride inside of me.  Labeling gives me permission to distance myself physically and emotionally from that person or group.  It allows me to disengage myself from them.   I don’t have to deal with them because I suppose I know all about them and who they are and what they represent.  It’s emotionally easier than dealing with them.

I'm Trying to Be Like Him

I don’t want people to label me and paint me with unknowing broad strokes.  I am trying to follow the loving and caring example of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and my religion and its doctrines and teachings have nurtured those attributes in me.  Engage me.