courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
So reads what is known in the Recovery World of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and all of the myriad “Anonymouses,” or “Anonymai,” as the “Serenity Prayer.” This Prayer has been recited by literally millions of people, and will likely be recited by millions more in the years and decades to come, especially as addictions continue to plague society. It is a Prayer in which the person reciting it is committing to—or at least desiring to commit to—an emotional surrendering to a Higher Power. This spirit of surrender is embodied in the first three steps of the Twelve Step Program that the organizations above espouse:
Step 1—We admitted we were powerless over [our addiction]—that our lives had become unmanageable. (“I can’t.”)
Step 2—Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (“God can.”)
Step 3—Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. (“I’ll let him.”)
The idea of “surrendering” in the recovery world that I inhabit is both appealing and perplexing to me. Secular, popular Western culture (and ironically, LDS culture) seems to promote personal self-sufficiency, yet “surrendering” is in line with the doctrine of grace in Christian and other religious communities. In my world of addiction recovery, and I spend a lot of time there, there appears to be a paradox of the Addict surrendering to God (a la Twelve Step Programs) vs. those same Programs and addiction rehabilitation programs far and wide promoting cognitive-based behavioral changes which have as their goal to restructure the thinking of the triggered addict so that new, positive, non-irrational thoughts can produce new positive behaviors. It seems paradoxical to me because the former implies that the Addict is powerless over the addiction and should surrender to it (to feel it), and surrender to a “full of grace” God, yet the latter would imply that the Addict indeed has power and should take the “non-surrendering” responsibility and change his/her irrational thoughts that lead to addictive, destructive behaviors.
Interestingly, in my therapy and Twelve Step work I have related both ideas to clients and members of recovery groups, depending on the circumstance. I can easily defend both ways of dealing with addiction. Perhaps this may be a deficiency in me. I have the thought that I am wanting/needing to work out this paradox in order to be completely congruent in my role as a therapist. But then, could both ways of looking at recovery be correct for the addict? Can he/she experience both and incorporate them into their recovery? How does that work?
Is it possible that surrender is indeed a necessary and integral part of recovery, and that someone using and “working” the Twelve Steps can simultaneously surrender will and change thoughts (“stinking thinking”)which then change behaviors? Does the addict surrender to God (or a Higher Power) who then theoretically changes the thoughts of the addict? Is challenging the irrational thinking a focus on abstinence from the addiction rather than on real recovery (assuming the belief that abstinence is not necessarily recovery)?
Or can it be said that surrendering to the feeling of the desire to “act out” or to participate in the addiction (feeling one’s “dark side”) must indeed occur in order for the addict to cognitively not engage in “stinking thinking” and choose not to indulge in the behavior? Is this the process that ultimately must take place in the life of the addict before there is recovery? If so, what role does a Higher Power (God) and the addict’s surrendering to It/Him play in that process?
Or is the idea of surrendering the initial part of recovery, and the cognitive challenging of irrational thoughts the later, on-going work of the recovery process? Or, when all is said and done, are they just two different ways of dealing with addiction?
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