The Dilemma of Homosexuality and Suicide

Elder Todd Christofferson's gay brother, Tom

Suicide is always a tough subject to talk about, particularly for faith-based folks. Because of the sacredness with which adherents treat human life, they usually believe that God gives life and takes it away, and only He has the right to determine when those events occur.  The idea that someone takes upon themselves the role of God and ends their life is a horrible concept for members to contemplate.

Suicidal ideation can occur when someone has chemical imbalances within their bodies.  Often, it comes as a result of severe depression, borne of feelings of hopelessness and being completely overwhelmed, unable to make sense of what life has dealt.  

I have been trained to listen for such profound negative feelings in my role as a psychotherapist. If someone is contemplating it and has a plan to carry out the act and the means to work the plan, I am legally and ethically mandated to take action to prevent it, and my values demand it.  Luckily, I have not yet been confronted with such a difficult challenge.

There is a chance, however, that I may yet be exposed to such a possibility in the future.  It may come from within the LDS community, and from among the youth of the LDS Church.  Such a possibility might come from a young man or woman who has wrestled mightily with their sexual orientation and desperately tried to reconcile it with LDS doctrine which seemingly proclaims with eternal finality that "God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

What can I say to such a young person who has wished and prayed that God would take their same gender attraction away, has dated members of the opposite gender to no avail, has gone without partaking of the sacrament (communion) out of feelings of unworthiness, has studies God's word in an attempt to finally feel at peace with God and themselves, and a whole host of other behaviors, and sits in front of me in utter despair? What can I say if they have already attempted suicide?

What can I say to such a young person who has been lectured by rigid, pious, parents and other family members about how sinful they should feel for their feelings?  What can I say to them after they have been lectured to again by ecclesiastical authorities, or been told by them to "just get over it" or "just date a girl/guy and those feelings will go away," and they haven't?  What can I say to them after they have been kicked out of their homes, having been called all kinds of pejorative names, and are being shunned by their own families?  What can I say to them when they have been gossiped about and ultimately shunned by members of their faith congregation who are not adhering to Christ's commandment to "love one another as I have loved you?"

It is said that inferences can often be misleading, but it is hard to ignore some statistics, such as the suicide rate amount men ages 15-24 in the state of Utah--the highest in the United States, and three times the national average.  In 2010, the suicide rate among Utah teens was the 11th highest in the nation, and suicide is the #1 cause of death among teens in the state.  Suicide statistics in the state of Arizona, another state with a significant LDS population, is unusually high among LDS.  It is reported that 40% of homeless teens in Utah are LGBT (gay and lesbian) and even if that percentage could be somewhat inflated, it speaks to a percentage of homeless teens being LDS.

I am pleased that the LDS Church has taken a leading role among Christian churches in calling for understanding and caring toward the LGBT community through the launch of the website called mormonsandgays.org.  It states the current policy of the LDS Church regarding LGBT, but also has realistic and thought-provoking statements and videos from LGBT people and Church leaders.  I am perplexed that Church leadership has failed to inform local Church leadership of this resource. They widely promoted the movie Meet the Mormons with bishops and stake presidents, but there has never been such a push for the mormonsandgays.org website since its inception, a valuable reference which could involve many people within the faith, both LGBT and their families, no small number, who struggle with this issue and with the Church's position.

Meanwhile, young people who do not feel safe coming out to family and friends, particularly friends in faith communities, will continue to attempt to reconcile what they know about their sexuality with the black and white doctrines in those communities.  They will continue to deal with feeling unsafe around people with whom they should feel the safest.  They will continue to pray for miracles in their lives.  They may look for a faith-based therapist who will not encourage them to "get fixed" but will listen with empathy, understanding, and without judgment, and who will help them attempt to live with the cognitive dissonance, the ambiguity of not having all the answers.  If they need someone like that, and they live in the Los Angeles area, I hope they find me.  

If you struggle, or know someone who does, or if you are a family member who feels overwhelmed by a loved one's same-gender attraction, let's talk.  You can contact me at my email account: robertedavismft@gmail.com.