As General Conference Approaches

As General Conference looms at the end of next week, I find myself feeling both excited and afraid. I am excited to hear about any new temples planned throughout the world and to hear stories about the international growth of the Church.  I am excited to hear music from the choirs, and to smile as I listen to Mack Wilberg's predictable, wonderful songs, full of key changes and notes that go forever at their end.  (They are so recognizable!)

I am feeling excited because I still believe that God can speak through apostles and prophets (and sisters!) and I am looking forward to being inspired.  Since I still believe that the Lord is who is the head of the Church (not the Prophet), I believe that He can and hopefully will inspire those who speak, including the Prophet, to relay to the world what He would have us become, and not just do.  I still believe that He can work through them to console those of us who need consolation, to help us all to feel His love and to instruct us on how to better share that love with others, to preach the doctrine of the Church.

Conference time has always been an exciting time for me!  I remember watching the black and white sessions on Fridays, and recall when the Conference was announced as the 134th Semi-Annual Conference, not the 184th, which this one will be.  I remember listening to a short-wave broadcast of a Conference when I was serving a mission in Argentina in 1974.  I remember giving my children papers to color, or Talk Bingo, as enticements to get them to watch even one Conference talk so that I could focus on what was being said.

But I must admit that I am feeling afraid.  I am afraid that a speaker will be so enthused about preaching doctrine that may be a "high bar" for many, without giving hope to those of us who are not who or where we want to be, and which might make me or someone like me want to give up.  I am afraid that there will be a whole lot of doctrine and what more we should be doing, and not a lot of joy at our salvation, and feeling joy about where we are today.  I am afraid that speakers will perpetuate the "we-they" narrative that distances us as a Church from others.  I am afraid that because of what will be said, the Church might be viewed from within and without as a cult, because of expressed expectations of mindlessly following Church leaders, and not following Joseph Smith's example of doing what James 1:5 instructs.

I am afraid that a speaker (or members who will study the talks in Priesthood and Relief Society) might be insensitive to those who may not believe, or may be struggling, with what they are preaching.  I am afraid that someone might relate their opinion about a belief and not what is the belief.  I am afraid that what may have been said by former prophets and apostles might be cast aside as unenlightened and be replaced by more enlightened doctrine, and what effect that might have on those trying to make sense of the Church's history.  I am afraid that some speaker might have had his or her talk significantly changed by those who review and edit talks so as to put a "happy face" on the talk.

In spite of my fears, I am excited and very much looking forward to General Conference.  I am looking forward to feeling the Spirit.