Hanging with the Servants of Satan

Like the initial Affirmation Conference which I attended in 2014, I came away from this most recent one held in Los Angeles on January 15-17 feeling somewhat sad, but hopeful and connected.   Some 125 people attended, held on the Loyola Marymount campus.  There were speakers, workshops, and of course, the special Sunday meeting where people were allowed to share “stories” or to bear testimony.

   

Being around LDS LGBT people is a emotional experience for me because of the good people I see and with whom I associate who are wrestling with the paradox of wanting to be faithful members but in many cases have been poorly treated by intolerant members and leaders of the Church.  I likewise wrestle in my own way with the paradox of wanting to be faithful to a Church that produces what it did in the Handbook last year and whose leader of the Quorum of the Twelve says what he did about it being revelation.   It pains me because the Church does so much good, and Pres. Nelson is a good man, but I digress. 

I was pleased that Ann decided to attend and that she likewise felt the Conference was very worthwhile. I am grateful that we could share this unique experience, and that we have been able to discuss it and how we felt about it.

It was nice to see people I met at the previous conference and with whom I am Facebook friends, some of whom are the movers and shakers in the LDS LGBT community.  For example, it was great to see and to briefly chat with John Gustav-Wrathall, the current director of Affirmation, Tom Christofferson, a brother of the apostle, Vicki Wimmer, Sara Jade Woodhouse, and Carol Lynn Pearson.  It was great to make new acquaintances and to see that the new Executive Committee of Affirmation is in good hands.

There were a few poignant meetings that had special meaning for me.  One was the workshop led by John Gustav-Wrathall that addressed the landscape of feelings about the recent revision of the Church Handbook and the address given by Elder Nelson and his wife about that revision.  Feelings were raw and candid, as would be expected, with many expressing confusion, anger, betrayal, and so many other difficult emotions. But there were also shared feelings of hopefulness, determination, and caring as well.  There were many tears but there were also many smiles.

I very much enjoyed listening to the address given by Christie Frandsen.  We know one another from our association in my Stake, and I suspected that her talk would be one of the highlights, and she did not disappoint!  This Seminary and Institute teacher was on topic, insightful, eloquent, and sincere as she discussed the LDS LGBT community and the importance of being knitted together in a wonderful multi-colored blanket.  I was very proud of her, and I am proud of how she has supported and loved her gay son Christian, one of her 11 children.

 

Another was the Saturday night meeting at which Carol Lynn Pearson addressed the Conference.  She has been in the struggle from the days her husband died from AIDS in 1984 and which she poignantly wrote about in the book Goodbye, I Love You.  She was graceful, eloquent, witty, vulnerable, and believable.  She represents what I believe to be the heart and soul of the LDS LGBT movement, the grand dame, so to speak.  She is all about loving, caring, and supporting each another; she says that these are the weightier matters of the law.  I particularly appreciated her tenderness as she sang a tender lullaby as she concluded her remarks.

Of course, the testimony meeting is always very significant and powerful.  There were a lot of tears shed, a lot of warmth and gratitude expressed, and a lot of strong witnesses of the love of the Father and the Son with strength and conviction.  Allies like me were encouraged not to share their testimonies because so many LGBT people are unable to do so, having been excommunicated from the Church for "acting" LGBT.  The Spirit was strong and I felt peace and comfort, and assume others did also.

It felt good to be around people who can find happiness in the midst of turmoil.  It felt good to be around people who are dealing with the label of being "Servants of Satan."  It felt good to listen to and watch an LDS bishop who desired to understand LGBT people and who self-reported that he came away a changed man.  It felt good to be around people who honestly care about each other and treat one another in loving, non-judgmental ways, as He would do.  It felt good to be lauded for being in attendance even though I do not have a close relative who is LGBT.  It felt good to see people who value the Church and its teachings (except for this one) and who want to stay attached to it.

I look forward to future conferences.  There is the main annual Affirmation Conference, this year in Provo, Utah, from September 22-25.  Who knows?  I may attend.

I wonder if I am a Servant of Satan....