One on One

ONE might think that because of the profession I have embraced, I would be a “people person,” someone who always loves to be with a lot of people.  If I am a “people person,” I very much prefer to be with just one other person.  Being in a group, whether it be of 4 or 400 or 4000 people, has always made me feel a bit uncomfortable.  I don’t consider myself anti-social and it’s not like I avoid groups.  And being in a group where I know everyone is no problem, such as with my wife and another couple, a therapy group, or attending religious services.  But being with just one other person is simply easier for me.

The discomfort may have had its genesis at not having siblings around as I grew up. Since there was not much interaction with my parents, I kind of fended for myself.  I learned at a fairly early age how to entertain myself and to be alone with my thoughts.  When not occasionally playing with a single friend, I would invent and play games with myself (and keep statistics on some of the competitive ones), build sheet and blanket playhouses using the clothesline downstairs, create a bunker in the thermally cool “fruit room” downstairs underneath the outside porch where our food storage was kept, or build a playhouse in the basement using numerous lengths of 2x4 wood.  I would outfit this boy-cave with a lantern, a Coleman cooler for food and drink, games, and any of my neat treasures.  It was just me and my imagination. 

The older I got, the more I interacted with friends, one at a time usually. In high school, I began to be involved in larger groups but I considered myself kind of socially inept.  I must not have been too inept because I was one of the more popular kids, but self-perception is everything, especially to a teenager.  By the time I attended college, I went back to my comfort zone and would routinely hang out with just one other person, male or female.

Looking back over the years, I have rarely spoken up in groups, choosing to watch and listen.  To this day, I will often watch and listen, but I am attempting to be more pro-active in my participation.  I am challenging myself to speak up even if I think that what I have to say is pretty routine or even self-serving.  Small talk is fine, and everything that comes out of my mouth does not have to be pithy or even important.  Occasionally, people in a group may even be interested in what I have to say.

This is an uncomfortable transition for me but I am doing better.  But the truth is: doing one-on-one therapy suits me!