A Sense of Loss and A Sense of Relief

I am remembering when I went to LAX to send my daughter Emily, son-in-law Adam  and their four kids to return home.  They had come to visit us in California for three weeks. I found myself dealing with a sense of loss as well as a sense of relief.  As I related to others these seemingly conflicting feelings, most have knowingly nodded their heads, especially other grandparents.

My wife and I knew  more or less what was involved when we originally had the idea to invite them.  We knew that having them here was going to be a great opportunity to connect on a personal level with grandchildren with whom we regularly connected on Skype. But we also knew that there would be a six-year old and three four-year olds along with their parents in our little 1400 square foot home.  We also knew that our eldest grandchild would be here for much of the time the New Jersey Johnsons would be here.

We got what we suspected we would get!

Days would start early with the pitter-patter, and sometimes clump clumping, of little feet. I rarely woke up on my own.  I can't really fault them because of their high energy level combined with the fact that California is three hours earlier than New Jersey.  They would wake up in our living room where the four of them slept on the floor in sleeping bags. Their mother would attempt to shush them and encourage them to speak in "indoor voice" to allow "Pumpa and G-ma" to get a little more sleep.  Inevitably, their exuberance would get the best of them, or a sibling would cause the another to cry, and that was all she wrote.

When I wasn't working, I was trying to be with them, serving lunches or snacks, watching or playing with them at one of three nearby parks or in the front yard, going as part of a group to a museum, playing go fish, going with them to see Christmas lights, and just hanging out. When I was at work, my wife took them to the beach, took Emily and Elizabeth to see The Nutcracker, and took the bunch to the parks.

I noticed that the kids were voracious eaters as well as voracious dish and utencil dirtiers. Our dishwasher loads went from one every couple of days to two to three times per day, depending on the meal.  The bill for food went far above what we were accustomed to, but we knew that would happen.  The trash and recycled bins were filled to the top when the garbage trucks came.  

Days would end with the kids going potty and brushing their teeth, being read a Christmas night time story, singing a song, and having family prayer.  It was a production to get the kids into their sleeping bags in the living room and settled down, but once they were down it was oh so very peaceful!  

Christmas was fun.  The kids could not control themselves (age appropriate behavior!) and it was fun to see their eyes lit up and their energy on display.  Poor Suki the cat did not know what was going on!  We filled two large bags with wrapping paper and filled up the recycle bin with boxes and other recyclable stuff.  Lots of excitement!  Lots of fun!  Lots of bows placed by the grandchildren on my forehead, a Davis tradition.

My daughter Rebecca sent her son Isaac to spend time with the New Jersey Johnsons.  It was interesting to watch how he interacted with his younger cousins.  During the time Isaac was with us, Doug's Daniel also spent about 48 hours with his cousins.  I sense that this normally quiet, low energy little boy was completely out of his element and blown away by all of the hubbub and energy of his cousins.  It was a brief period when all six of our grandchildren were under our roof.  Wonderful!

I have specific memories of interacting with each grandchild during their time at our little California home.  I remember talking with Isaac about his spirituality.  I remember watching and cheering on Elizabeth at the McGroarty Park for being able to swing herself from one bar or ring to another.  I remember running around the front yard with Daniel with him trying to catch me to spank me.  I remember talking with Eddie at the kitchen table and at the Children's Science Museum at USC.  I remember playing Go Fish with energetic Lucy.  I remember going down our street with Charlie to pick up trash, a Pumpa-Charlie thing that we started last Christmas in New Jersey.

Once we took Daniel back to his mom's home in Valencia, once we took the Johnson Clan to LAX and put them on a jet back to New Jersey, once we put Isaac on a delayed jet back to Washington, it was deathly silent.  All that was heard was the muted sounds of Mumpa or Pumpa or Shumpa (all my names from the six) and G-ma rattling around the empty home.  All that remains are the memories.  I felt a definite sense of loss but also a sense of relief....