I am always excited around the first week of April and the first week of October. Not only are they harbingers of spring and fall, but they are also times of LDS World General Conference. I am able to watch the broadcasts in the comfort of my home (sometimes too comfortable when the talks are not very interesting to me-zzzzzz) and often in my pajamas. I often refer to Conference as Pajama Church!
This past weekend was no different. I was excited to hear of three new temples--in Thailand, Ivory Coast, and Haiti. I always listen to callings and releases of Area Authority Seventies (my former Bishop/Stake President, Jerry Garns, will be released on May 1). I always participate in the sustaining of General Authorities, raising my hand when called upon by President Uchtdorf. I was not at all bothered my those few who verbally objected (although I am disappointed that they will not be interviewed by a General Authority as others have been in the past, but referred to their Stake President, who probably already knows about their objections.) I always listen intently to the statistics offered about the general Church. I listen intently to the inspirational singing of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and others. And of course, I enjoy listening to the talks.
As opposed to others who accept ALL of what they hear at Conference as God's will, I listen to the talks with an open mind and heart, but if I hear something that doesn't resonate with me, I will try to glean some "takeaways" from the rest of the talk. If it is particularly challenging to me, I will pray about it. Like others who have questions and harbor some doubts, I often find myself agreeing with some fundemental principles underlying a given talk. I appreciate the fact that these good brothers and sisters attempt to prepare their talks with inspiration, and in fact, in the days leading up to each Conference, I pray that they may be so inspired.
But alas, some of their words do not feel necessarily inspired, filtered through their own biases and filters. The burden is upon me the listener to feel inspiration and to pray for understanding and personal revelation to know if and how to apply their words in my life. I believe it is incumbent on all members of the Church to get a testimony of what is said at Conference (and for that matter, at all Church services), Accepting it all at face value seems almost like idol worship or/rock star worship, instead of worshipping Him, abrogating our responsibility to do what Joseph Smith did when after reading the verse in James 1:5 about asking God when we desire wisdom.
I always think of Brigham Young's statement in this regard:
"I am fearful that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by Him. I am fearful they settle down into a state of blind self-security, trusting their eternal destiny in the hands of their leaders with a reckless confidence that in itself would thwart the purposes of God in their salvation, and weaken the influence they could give to their leaders, did they know for themselves, by the revelations of Jesus, that they are led in the right way. Let every man know, themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not." Journal of Discourses 9:150
It has been my experience that a couple of talks each Conference usually carry great weight with me and profoundly move me. Such was the case of the talks on Sunday morning of Elder Jeffrey Holland and of President Dieter Uchtdorf. I cannot wait to read them as they are published, feel the wonderful Spirit that I felt once again, and to make them mine. They represented talks given about the nature of Christ or the Father, and their unconditional love for me, and not talks about how I need to do more, offering me a check-off list of to-dos.
For those who watched that session, you may recall that Elder Holland's talk dealt with His atoning sacrifice. It was so meaningful to me, so nourishing to my spirit. In part of his talk, he stated:
"So today we celebrate the gift of victory over every fall we have ever experienced, every sorrow we have ever known, every discouragement we have ever had, every fear we have ever faced--to say nothing of our resurrection from death and forgiveness of our sins."
You may also remember President Uchtdorf's talk on grace--always a favorite subject of mine, as evidenced by the number of my blog postings on the subject, and by the words I often say to my Christian clients in psychotherapy. He mentioned in part of his remarks that:
"We cannot earn our way into heaven; the demands of justice stand as a barrier, which we are powerless to overcome on our own. But all is not lost. The grace of God is our great and everlasting hope.
I must admit to wondering if those who quoted or inferred doctrine from The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and the number of those who spoke of exclusive marriage between a man and a woman (a belief I am living) know that it was not given by revelation through the Prophet or any of the other 14 Brethren, but rather, it was written by a BYU professor, and accepted and embraced by the Brethren. I also admit to wondering how many Conference speakers (beside Elder Christofferson) have listened to experiences, often profoundly spiritual and filled with personal revelation, of LGBT Mormons. I wonder if they have any idea what it is like to be gay and LDS. I wonder if people listening to Elder Perry know that he quoted an article by David Brooks which applauded same-sex marriages on the grounds that they represent a voluntary relinquishing of personal freedom in favor of obligation and relationship. Proclamation virtues!
Some LGBT Mormons who listened to Conference are actually living all of the Church's standards or are in mixed-orientation marriages. Listening to the constant references made to the unique status of marriage between a man and a woman makes many of them turn off or tune out Conference. Or worse, they turn them off to, or tune them out of, attending Church services. They hear the relentless drone over pulpits. And by the way, do members of the Church really want LGBT people in their services? Does Christ want LGBT Mormons to listen/watch Conference and to attend weekly Church services? What would be His attitude and behavior toward His LGBT followers?
For those who may be put off by the last two paragraphs, I challenge you to get to know the stories of LGBT LDS brothers and sisters. Ask them what it was like to listen to Conference. If they haven't yet given up on the hurt they feel from Church leaders, and sometimes from family or ward members, ask why some of them continue to attend services, even after they may have been excommunicated.
Nevertheless, even with the sometimes puzzling or difficult experiences of this Conference, there were profound spiritual moments and experiences of testimony building, reassurance, comfort, and peace.
